Last week I wrote about âThe Art of Warâ...
… and how to overcome the enemy inside you.
But how do you help your clients overcome THEIR inner enemy?
Your coaching clients usually donât sayâŠ
âIâm self sabotaging and itâs preventing me from achieving my goals.â
Instead, theyâll come to you with a laundry list of desiresâŠ
âI want to make more money.â
Or
âI want to lose weight.â
Why is your client hyper focused on their desiresâŠ
…and not the deep-seated problem that prevents them from making progress?
- They canât see their problem (itâs too deep seated, or close to them).
- They feel pride and joy imagining their future achievements (versus the disappointment and shame of facing their problems).
- They hope to avoid dealing with their problem (that itâll just âgo awayâ with time).

So, around that âmake more moneyâ desire, your client wonât talk about their overspending issueâŠ
… that will only get worseâŠ
…even as they make more money.
In that âlose weightâ conversation, your client avoids bringing up their overeating issueâŠ
…often using food to self medicateâŠ
…instead of dealing with difficult emotions.
And, if youâre brave enough to bring these problems up with your client, youâre likely to get:
- Arguments / push back
- Anger
- Denial / Avoidance
…or worse, a client with a âhelpless victimâ mentality that wonât take coaching.
Doesnât that describe the classic âuncoachable clientâ?
These clients barely see their true problems.
Their problems are like ghostsâŠ
…scary phantoms they canât even see.
Getting your client to see the problem…
Getting your client to powerfully face the problem (rather than obsessing over the goal)…
Getting your client to transform the problem…
THATâS the art of coaching.
A MASTER COACH can do that with all their clients…
âŠnot just the ones who are âopenâ to transformationâŠ
…but even the âuncoachableâ clients.

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The key to that kind of masterful coaching?
Recognize your clientâs âghostâ (their preventing problem / barrier)…
…and help them see the consequences that problem createsâŠ
…BEFORE you help them create a plan.
…BEFORE you expect them to take action towards the goal.
…and BEFORE you expect a powerful client to emerge.
Until your client sees their âghostâ for what it isâŠ
…something that MUST TRANSFORM before they expect to reach their goalâŠ
…you wonât be able to help them.
But, once your client sees, handles, and grows past the problemâŠ
…youâll find them effortlessly achieving goalsâŠ
…without any âpushingâ from you.

There are two types of clients that attempt to âskipâ their problems…
The Reactor / Distractor:
Reactor / Distractor clients are the over-eaters, over-drinkers, or TV bingers. They over-indulge in an area that keeps them from accomplishing what they want most.
Reactors blame their situation for their lack of progress.
Their emotions rule their world and they feel they have little control over their ability to make changes.
Distractors are always âtoo busyâ or âwear too many hatsâ to pay attention to whatâs really going on.
Watch for the âtoo busyâ excuse⊠it usually covers up lots of distractions that your client wonât be too comfortable with admitting.
Questions to ask Reactor / Distractor clients:
- What did you do instead of working on the commitments you made during your last coaching session?
- Do you really think youâll ever achieve your goal if you continue to live in (reaction / distraction)?
- What do you need to give up (or let go of) in order to make it possible for you to achieve your goal?
- What do you think is really going on here?
- If you were brutally honest with yourself, what would you admit is getting in your way?
- What does all that (TV, Drinking, etc.) distract you from facing?
- Who is in charge of your life? You, or your circumstances (or âother peopleâ)?
- If you donât face this now, what will be the consequences in your future?
The Resistor:
Resistor clients are usually the uber-successful ones. The overachievers.
They use âwillpowerâ or the âwhite knuckleâ approach to achieve their goals.
Resistors are highly susceptible to burn out or workaholism.
They may have family or health struggles because of neglecting important parts of their lives.
They will push themselves until they canât keep up the pace anymore, and then quit.
Look for a ârollercoasterâ pattern to identify a resistor⊠lots of big highs and low points.
If you try to force your opinion on a resistor⊠or tell them what to do⊠they will resist with all their might.
Questions to ask Resistor clients:
- If you just keep pushing yourself in this way, what will you never deal with? What will never happen for you?
- How unsustainable is your current lifestyle right now? What do you think the long-term consequences are?
- What has to happen before you give yourself a break? How much is enough?
- Imagine the world stopped for a week and it was impossible for you to get ahead or fall behind; what would you do with your free time?
- What would you notice about yourself (or your life) if you stopped pushing so hard for a moment?
Once youâve identified which category your client falls intoâŠ
…and once youâve employed some of those questions…
…your client will be on their way to allowing the problem to existâŠ
…possibly, for the first time in their life.
Once your client is open to seeing their problemâŠ
Once they allow their problem to existâŠ
Once theyâre willing to:
- admit the problem
- talk about the problem
- take responsibility for the problem
Theyâll be open and ready to explore new strategies.
Only then are your clients ready to take action
Only then are they ready to transform.
The key to giving the most valuable coachingâŠ
…is to support your client in recognizing those blindspots.
Until your client sees their âghostâ for what it isâŠsomething that MUST TRANSFORM before they expect to reach their goalâŠyou wonât be able to help them.”
Telling your client what to doâŠ
Or, offering insights before they reach this open space…
…wastes session timeâŠ
…and will send your client in circles.
Thatâs when youâll find that your coaching is less and less valuable to them.
In order to avoid that âsinking feelingâ, help your clients move toward their goalsâŠ
…in a way that supports them.
Coach them not from where âyou wish them to beâŠâ
…but where they are.
First, ask questions to understand who youâre coachingâŠ
…without judging.
Then (and only then) can you coach your client.
- Coach a Resistor like a Resistor.
- Coach a Reactor like a Reactor.
Empower your reactor clients to take responsibility…
Empower your resistor clients to experience consequences before they happenâŠ
Only then can you empower your client to act on a plan that works.
This precision approach opens up true success for your clientsâ lives.
Because the art of coachingâŠ
…is not in the tellingâŠ
…itâs in the coaching.
The art of coachingâŠ
…is in creating an openingâŠ
…for clients to step intoâŠ
…and turn their dreams into reality.
Colette “Ghost Catcher” Coiner
Dr. Colette Coiner, PCC, PT, DPT, FAAOMPT
Associate Dean, Master Coach University
drcolettecoiner@coachestrainingblog.com
858-232-3739
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