Has anyone ever told you that you were âhigh maintenanceâ?
The first time someone told me that, I got defensive.
âNot me!â
âI donât get weekly manicuresâŠâ
â…I barely wear make-upâŠâ
â…and I donât shop at Chanel.â

Looking back at that defensive version of myself makes me realizeâŠ
…I did everything to prove to the world that I was the opposite of high maintenance.
…I tried soooo hard to be easy-going and low maintenance.
But that eventually turned into being everyoneâs âservantâ.
I found myself doing everything for others before I took care of myself.
Deep downâŠ
…I resented it.
Being high maintenance is a big taboo for the coaching profession.
Donât you coach to help and serve your clients?
Most coaches feel they need to be generous and selfless.
SELFLESSNESS is rewarded in our profession.
But that suggests a SELFISH COACH might be punished.
In fact, society has a litany of labels for people that take care of themselvesâŠ
- Selfish
- Takers
- Arrogant
- Egocentric
So coaches who want to be helpfulâŠ
…often feel guilty when they try to take care of themselves.
So they try to put everyone else first…
…at their own expense.
But that selflessness doesnât just cost YOU…
…itâs at the expense of those around you, tooâŠ
…and ultimately hurts clients you want to serve.
What if âselfish coachesâ could still serve their clients?
What if âselfish coachesâ could still serve the greater good?

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Can you be a selfish coach and still make a huge impact?
YesâŠ
…AND itâs essential to your success.
How?
Fulfilling your own desires requires you to raise your standards.
And, by raising your own standardâŠ
…you create the opportunity for your clients to raise THEIR standards.
If you demand more for yourselfâŠ
…you give permission for your clients to go after their dreams.
If you demand more for yourselfâŠyou give permission for your clients to go after their dreams.”
If you give more to yourself…
…then you have more to give.
Getting an extra hour of sleepâŠ
…improves what you can give the next day.
Making more moneyâŠ
…expands your resource base from which to contribute.
But, if your self-care levels are lowâŠ
…you wonât have much to give to your clients.
Plus, you wonât WANT to give, either.
Itâs hard to be motivated when thereâs nothing in it for you.
Think about it.
If all your needs are metâŠ
…youâll be driven to contribute.
…and youâll be driven to grow even more.
Not from a place of trying to prove that you are worthyâŠ
…but because you know you have valueâŠ
…and because you have the resources to do it.
Hereâs how to become a âHigh Valueâ Coach through a little âHigh Maintenanceâ:
SELF-BELIEF
Believe in your own value.
Believe in your own value.”
Not for what you do⊠but because you have value by just being human.
Cinderella believed that she belonged at the ball BEFORE the fairy godmother transformed her outfit.
SELF-FOCUS
Take time to take care of yourself.
Pamper yourself so you look and feel your best. This includes
- eating properly
- sleeping
- exercising
- taking care of your health
SELF-FEELING
Take time to take care of your spiritual and emotional needs.
Do things that make you feel good, and stop tolerating things that consistently make you feel lousy.
SELF-ACTUALIZE
Commit to achieving some selfish things as a part of your self-actualization.
Actualized coaches become role models for their clientsâŠ
…to follow in their footsteps.
WARNING: Donât become a slave to self-care rituals. While self-care is essential, make sure you donât turn it into another chore. Choose your moments carefully.

The benefits of being a more selfish, high-maintenance coach?
- You become more valuable to others.
- You feel happy and ready to help.
- You have more to give.
- You become a role model.
The costs of being too much of a selfless, low-maintenance coach?
- Resenting other people
- Feeling broken inside
- Being a warning of what NOT to do
- Feeling emotionally exhausted
So, call me âselfishâ.
Call me âHigh maintenanceâ.
I donât care.
Because in my scriptâŠ
…high maintenance is required for high value.
You are uniqueâŠ
…one of a kindâŠ
…and precious.
Make sure you treat yourself as you would a high-end car.
Youâre a finely tuned machine that requires precision care.
Stop waiting for others to tell you that youâre valuable enough for some TLCâŠ
Stop hoping for a âvolunteerâ to take care of youâŠ
YOU take care of YOU.
Get the tune up you need and deserveâŠ
…and THEN lead your clients to get what THEY deserve.
Colette “Selfish Coach” Coiner
Dr. Colette Coiner, PCC, PT, DPT, FAAOMPT
Associate Dean, Master Coach University
drcolettecoiner@coachestrainingblog.com
858-232-3739
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