I just talked to a coach who is holding back on her Youtube video strategy because she’s afraid of “what people will think”, and then I found another who shared how her fear of public speaking was holder her career back.

What’s going on here?? I explain it in this video:

Here’s the FULL TRANSCRIPT of the video:

00:02 Yesterday I had a call with one of my clients, and she was talking about a lot of things.  She was talking about some of the things that she wants to do in her coaching practice to expand the work that she does with other people.

“I’m Worried About What People Will Think of Me”

00:18 And one of the things she mentioned is, she said, “I want to make a lot more videos, but I’m just really concerned because I’m a perfectionist.

I don’t want to look bad.

I want to kind of control how other people see me, so I haven’t been doing that.”

00:33 And I looked at her YouTube account…

…and she had like four videos basically.  So it got me thinking.

It reminded me actually of a couple of months ago…

I was at an event speaking to a group of about 200 leaders, entrepreneurs, business people, influencers, just like the movers and shakers of the world.

00:53 And after I worked with the group, after I spoke, a woman came to me and she said, “I am definitely afraid of public speaking.  You know, I get like phobic when I think about speaking in front of a group!”

01:11 So I talked to her about it and she said, “My real fear is that I’m going to talk to people and they’re not going to think much of me.  Their perception of me is going to be lower as a result of me

• screwing up
• saying the wrong things
• or something like that, right?”

The Real Fear: Losing Control

01:34 And so I started to realize with these two individuals, one who’s a client of mine, and one who I just met at an event, they actually kind of have the same fear, and the fear had to do with other people’s perceptions, and there’s no doubt about that…

But the other side of that fear was not just about perception…

…it was about control.

01:58 And the client I talked to yesterday, she wants to control how other people see her, she wants to control the outcome, and the woman who I talked to a couple of months ago at this event, I realized she really wanted to control how other people saw her when she spoke in front of the groups (and there are groups that really want to hear from her… that want to know what she has to say)

…and she’s avoided these things as a result.

And my client has avoided getting some really great exposure to expand her business as a result of that same fear.

02:28 So it wasn’t just about perception, although that’s an aspect of it for both of these women, but it was an aspect of control, and I like to use the word “certainty” because when somebody loves to control something, they really are looking to have a sense of certainty, because ultimately we’re not really in control of a whole lot.

We can basically control ourselves.

You can’t control:

• how other people see you
• what they’re going to think
• the judgments that they’re going to make (they’re going to make whatever judgments they make).

People Are Going to Think Terrible Things About You

02:57 I remember one of my mentors once told me,

“You know, if your fear is that people are going to think badly of you, the truth is, they’re probably going to think terrible things about you, and they’re going to think those things anyway, so you might as well go for it.”

Leaders Give up Control

03:17 But when someone wants certainty, they tend to be what we call a “control freak,” and the truth is,

you’re not a control freak, you’re a certainty freak.

You want to feel comfortable.

You want to know how things are going to go.

You want to predict the future, and the truth is, if you really want to be a leader, you want to make a difference for others and contribute, you want to communicate powerfully, and if nothing else, you want to avoid having tons of fear in your life, you can’t overvalue control because ultimately, you only have so much of that.

03:50 So with this woman that didn’t want to speak in front of groups, well, she had no problem talking to me.

She wasn’t afraid of talking to me because she wasn’t worried about control and what I thought, but if you multiply me by a hundred, suddenly, well, somebody is going to think something bad.  I can’t control everybody, and suddenly now she shrunk her world.

Why Fear of Public Speaking Shows Up

04:10 With my client I talked to yesterday, it’s like she could control talking to me, no fear there. She could control talking to her husband, no fear there, and maybe with some of her clients…

but when it comes to putting a video out there where a million people could see it, well,

…now she doesn’t have so much control anymore, so suddenly it’s this “certainty thing” again.

04:32 And so certainty, we all need it. We all need to have a certain level of comfort and be able to predict some things about our life or we will go crazy, but when you tend to overvalue it, like my client did and like this girl that I talk to a couple of months ago,

…if you think it’s too important, that’s when fear will take over.

That’s when suddenly the very thing that you thought you wanted to do:

• you start to slow down from
• you start to shrink from
• you start to try to avoid.

05:03 So certainty equals fear.  If you think it’s something you’re afraid of, something your client is afraid of, something your team is afraid of and you know that that fear is slowing them down,

…don’t think of it like fear, but think of like control or certainty and say,

“What are they trying to be certain of?  What are they trying to control that that fear is almost like trying to keep them from having the faith, having to suddenly face the uncertainty of?” if you will.

What Are YOU Afraid Of?

05:28 So a couple of questions for you, and put the answers in the comments if you can:

In your coaching, or with your team, or with the people that you lead, are you ever fearful when you’re going to work with them?

What are you afraid of?

Is it because you’re trying to control their perception? And in what way?

And then what are they afraid of? Are there areas where they’re trying to get certainty that they just can’t seem to get unless they shrink their world?

And then what did I miss? Is there anything else that causes your clients or your team’s fear? If it’s not certainty, what is it?

Just put in the comments and let’s have a conversation about it.

By the way, you can learn a lot more about overcoming fear of public speaking (as well as more advanced psychology coaching tactics) by grabbing your own free step-by-step 30 days to become a coach video toolkit. Just go HERE right now to get your 30-day coaching blueprint videos. You’ll learn how to change your client’s life in 45 minutes, other advanced coaching and practice building techniques, and more.