If there was such a thing as the Little Red Coaching Psychology Manual, the first chapter would start off with, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” Here are some tips that should be in the even the most concise coaching psychology manual.

3 Tips To Connecting Through Language

1. “You” is usually the best way to address someone. “We” can sound placating and condescending. Didn’t you hate it when teachers said something like, “Class. We better line up quickly and quietly if we don’t want to miss recess.” This type of language makes me want to throw the psychology coaching manual at them.
2. Come from a place of serving others’ needs. If you are getting your needs met through coaching someone, you will be less effective. If you need someone as a client to pay the bills or if you’re getting your needs met for connection you will sell yourself out to get what you need instead of being able to risk it all to serve your clients.
3. Mirror the other person as much as possible though voice tonality, tempo, and word choice. These are the keys to connecting. If you coach face to face, you can also easily mirror non-verbal cues.

What Does The Coaching Psychology Manual Say About Confronting Someone?

If you need to confront someone you have two choices. If you are chastising or attacking someone, using the word “you” is the most ‘in your face’ option, according to our coaching psychology manual. Use it for impact.

Using “we” is a bit softer, but can also be very effective when you feel a direct confrontation would result in building a wall. Using “we” creates more rapport and helps people face areas of their life where they already experience shame. Make sure you consider the psychology behind you are trying to do when you use scripts and other coaching tools so you make sure you get the results you want.

Colette Seymann
JTS Advisors Designated Accountability Coach