requires a lot of skills and knowledge, but if you know the 4 R’s of ruined relationships becoming a relationship coach will be a lot easier.  Knowing these stages will not only help identify which stages are occurring in a relationship, but will help you warn clients of the next stages that will follow unless something changes.  Running from the relationship is not usually the answer, because you take you with you.  But sometimes a relationship coach can make a huge difference even when a couple is constantly in a battle or even worse, repression.  Become a relationship coach who can help people understand the pattern of destruction and guide them onto a path toward intimacy.  A certain guru refers to these as the “4 R’s That Ruin Relationships.”

Becoming a Relationship Coach Who Understands the Effects of Resistance is Key

The first stage of the R’s that ruin relationships is Resistance.  Becoming a relationship coach who recognizes this stage can prevent a lot of pain.  An experienced relationship coach will quickly identify this stage.  What typically happens is that someone says something or does something that you think ‘Oh, I wish they wouldn’t say or do that.’  But most people stay quiet and over months or years, the pain escalates.

A Relationship Coach Who Misses the First Stage Will Eventually See Escalation

If a relationship coach fails to identify the first stage, things escalate.  The next stage is Resentment.  Becoming a relationship coach who can identify this stage is fairly simple.  The resistance is coupled with anger to some degree, and by now that person is probably bringing up this problem to their friends, family, whoever will listen.

Rejection Is Where Many Begin Becoming a Relationship Coach

If at all possible you want to avoid becoming a relationship coach whose clients continue along this path of destruction and enter the Rejection stage.  This is the most common stage people seek help from a relationship coach.  The undertone of relationship is ‘Why did you do that to me?’  At this stage people start looking like an idiot because they react to all of the stacked incidences of the past.  Their partner might do something very small, but with all the cumulative past pain the reaction is not appropriate for the circumstances.  By this stage, their partner has begun the Resistance Stage and which will likely lead to resentment.

A Relationship Coach May Never See the Fourth Stage

If the couple doesn’t break up, the next stage is Repression.  It’s hard to sustain passion with anger in the way, and couples tend to resort to being roommates.  They are not likely to seek a relationship coach at this stage because by this time people have settled.  Their spouse is their associate.  Their passion goes into their work, sports, and friends.  This is comfort and stability, but it certainly isn’t fulfillment.  Becoming a relationship coach for people at any of these stages is about providing strategy for people to re-create the passion and vision they once knew.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Designated Accountability Coach