Being a relationship coach is about taking a stand for transformation. It is not, as commonly believed, about making a marriage, “better” or “improving” it. In order to create a new relationship, there must be a focus on possibilities that are based on the present, not the past. When people are committed to transforming their marriage, anything is possible. As their coach there are 3 rules you must enforce to make it happen.

Three Things Your Clients Should Never Say To Their Partner

1. The first one is, “I’m leaving.” Unless your relationship coach client has his/her bag packed and a place to move to, it is usually an idle threat. It is also one of the most damaging things to say to a partner because it demonstrates a complete lack of integrity and commitment. This is probably one of the reasons why the relationship is struggling. Help your clients realize that what they say is powerful, and in order to have the relationship they want they need to hold themselves to a higher standard.

2. The next is “I hate you” or “I don’t love you.” When people feel a threat of loss of a survival need, such as love/connection, they will either get angry or withdraw. When a partner hears this the argument may even escalate as he/she tries to regain significance. The drive for significance is really a polar opposite to love and connection, and will get the opposite effect that the partner would most likely wish for.

3. Anything that brings in the past. In order to transform their relationships, your clients must not only turn their backs on the past hurts, but also close the door, lock it and throw again the key. Without a commitment to move forward, there is no hope.

Become a Relationship Coach Who Helps Create a New Relationship

Once these basic relationship coach guidelines are in place, you set the stage to create goals that are so compelling that your clients are committed to take action. Your clients need to have a big vision in front of them will be pulled into the new future, otherwise the past will catch up with them and they will fall into old comfortable old habit and conversations.

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Colette Seymann
JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach