Getting to the Root of the Problem is Key for Any Relationship Coach

The key to how to become a relationship expert is to understand that people will do anything to get their needs met.  Sometimes in a healthy and positive way, and other times it’s destructive to everything around them and affects their closest relationships.  If you want to become a relationship coach who gets to the root of the problem and really transforms lives, just follow this five-step process.

When You Think About How to Become a Relationship Expert Think About this Five-Step Process

How to Become a Relationship Expert Step 1:  Diagnosis

The first step as a relationship coach is to understand the whole picture in terms of where people are getting their basic needs met.  These basic needs are Certainty or Safety, Significance, Love & Connection, and Variety.  Whatever people are doing, they are doing it because they are getting their needs met.  For example, a rage-oholic gets his or her needs met for significance.  People around them get their own needs for certainty met by walking on eggshells around the rage-oholic.  People who are always angry with their spouse are getting their needs met for significance, but probably aren’t getting their needs met at a very high level for love and connection.  They key to finding the diagnosis is to identify which of which of your clients’ needs are not getting met by their current behavior.

How to Become a Relationship Expert Step 2:  Leverage

The next step as a relationship coach is to help your clients’ associate massive pain if they don’t change and massive pleasure if you do.  Make the decision to change an obvious solution.  You can also find out what leverage they’ve used in the past to make other life changes.  Find out what they did, how they felt, and what they said to themselves to help make that change and use that information to help move them forward again.

How to Become a Relationship Expert Step 3:  Conditioning

The next step is to recondition your clients’ old beliefs.  Use your relationship coach tools and give them affirmations, strategies, and different experiences to shift their beliefs, language patterns, and even the posture and physiology of their bodies.

How to Become a Relationship Expert Step 4:  Empowering Alternative

The next step as a relationship coach is to offer an alternative way of getting their four basic survival needs met at a higher level, more often, and in a way that benefits others.  They may find that instead of getting angry they can get their needs met for love and connection by talking to their spouse instead of demanding significance.

How to Become a Relationship Expert  Step 5:  Peer Group

The final step that is often overlooked by the average relationship coach is to change the peer group.  If your client is hanging out with friends who complain about their spouses, it will be hard to make lasting changes.  We are really the average of our five closest friends.

By Implementing this Five-Step Process You Will See Your Relationship Coach Clients Make Great Strides Improving Their Relationships

With these five steps you can transform yourself from an ordinary relationship coach to someone who knows how to become a relationship expert.  And while it might look complicated, once you get the diagnosis the rest will fall into place.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Designated Accountability Coach