By the time most people hire a relationship coach, they are at odds with each other.  You might be the last stop before the divorce attorney.  If you have already become a coach who has stepped up to the plate in your own marriage, odds are better that you will be able to make a difference.

A Relationship Coach Tale of Two Cities

When a couple isn’t connecting, it’s because they are not getting their needs met in the relationship.  For example sometimes both people are trying to get significance, when both want love and connection.  How does it look?  The emotional vehicle for significance is anger, which will serve to drive the other person away.  It doesn’t take long for a little annoyance to escalate into an argument or a day of the ‘cold shoulder’ treatment.

What Does It Take To Connect?

It takes one person to decide to make a difference.  When someone is trying to get their emotional need for significance met, giving him or her significance will quickly begin to diffuse the situation.  What does giving someone significance look like?  Finding a heartfelt way to acknowledge the other person and his or her strengths.   I had a client who was very busy and her husband was feeling less than important.  She brought home a gardening project, and her husband made a snide comment about her ability to do it properly.  He was annoyed at being put last again.  He wanted significance.  Instead of giving him the cold shoulder, she asked for his help.  They were able to connect and enjoy the rest of the day together.

When you become a relationship coach who teaches your clients how to meet their partner’s needs, you empower them.  When one person is willing to put the other person’s needs above their own and truly be there for the other person, it heals and creates opportunities for their partner to reciprocate.

Give this strategy a try and see for yourself that it works.   If you liked this coaching tip, leave a comment or use the handy bookmark buttons below to share it with others on Facebook, Twitter, Digg, etc. Thanks!

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach