Just because you become a relationship coach doesn’t mean you have to have your relationships all polished and clean.  In fact, tomorrow is my 10 year wedding anniversary.  And if you are a relationship coach who uses the DISC Assessments, you’ll understand that as a High Dominance/ Influencing woman I was not necessarily the ideal partner for my High Steadiness/ Compliance husband.  But at least as a relationship coach I can appreciate the differences and navigate most of the challenges.

DISC and Values Assessments Can Be Integral Tools if You Become a Relationship Coach

If you become a relationship coach, DISC and Values Assessments can help you make lasting changes even in the first relationship coach session.  I once ran a family debrief where two families had merged when the parents married.  The two stepbrothers had very different natural behavioral styles.  As we looked at the graph I asked, “You guys don’t share a room by any chance.”  They did, and I was able to see the challenges they were facing with one boy having a High Compliance and the other a Low Compliance style.  The first had to have the room neat to be able to rest, and the other could care less.  It was a bit like the sitcom, “The Odd Couple” where two men drove each other crazy.  One was a slob and the other compulsively neat.

But, You Cannot Base Your Relationship Coach Practice Completely on Assessments

Although there are some relationship coaches out there who would even go so far as to say my husband and I are not the best fit based on the DISC Assessments, I wouldn’t agree.  In fact, using the Values Assessments is a much better indicator of compatibility compared to behavioral style indicators such as the DISC.  I would caution anyone who decided to become a relationship coach who bases their coaching entirely on assessments.  The stats show that if a couple doesn’t share two of their three top values their chances of surviving long term are low.  I was relieved to see that we shared two of our top three values, yet I coached one couple whose values were completely different.  As a relationship coach I thought they were doomed, yet within two sessions they were back on track and lovey-dovey all over again.  Make sure if you become a relationship coach you don’t close your eyes to possibilities.

So is this relationship coach love story like a fairy tale?  I would be lying if I said it was.  I sincerely believe, however, that struggling to work through our natural behavioral styles has allowed us to become better friends, and for me a better coach.  And in fact, my husband and I have more in common than ever.  He’s not going to become a relationship coach any time soon, but he did start blogging!

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach