Been thinking about starting a coaching business, but feel like you’re ânot readyâ to coach?
Why do some coaches stop, even when intending to go for it? Â Â
Have you ever tried to coach a client that feels like theyâre not ready for something? Â Why do people become a âdeer in the headlightsâ when starting?
Today Iâm going to give you a peek inside one of my coaching sessions that focused on overcoming fears around starting a coaching business. Â In this session I use Accountability Coaching techniques to cause the breakthroughs. Â
The session involves Eve, a coach who was stuck in her coaching business because she felt like she wasnât âreadyâ…
The video above (and transcription of the session below) gives you a peek at Eveâs transformation and breakthrough with what was really stopping her in her business. Â
Iâve also included some commentary throughout the session where youâll learn some inside secrets of how I coached her through these challengesâŠ
In the session, weâll discuss:
- 2:17 Â Starting a Coaching Business: Why Youâre âNot Readyâ
- 4:01 Â What Gets Coaches Off The Hook For Their Cowardice
- 7:22 Â The Cost of Hiding Your Fear
- 15:54 Â The Limitless Possibilities That Stem From Being Yourself
- 18:44 Â The âMindful Fearâ Technique
- 31:12 Â The âI am Afraidâ Success Poster
You can click on the above timecodes to watch that particular section of the video (or scroll to that heading in the transcription below), but I suggest reading through (or watching) the entire session to get the full experience of the session.
We start the session when Iâve just found that this coach was blowing off her business, even when sheâd publicly committed to taking a specific amount of action to grow it (Eve had committed to a certain number of phone calls to grow her business). Â
Iâve just asked her how many calls she had made (Eve’s (the client’s) words are in blue, while mine (the coach’s) are in red)…
01:53 Eve: Â None.
01:53 Jeffrey Sooey: Â Okay, got it. So what had you not make those calls?
Eve:  I donât know.  I [was] looking at the phone and I just blanked out and thenâŠ
Jeffrey Sooey: Â I got it. So when you said, âI [was] looking at the phone and then I blanked out,â do you mean that your intention, when you did that, was to make a call? Â That was why you were looking at the phone?
Eve: Â Yeah.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Okay.
Starting a Coaching Business: Why Youâre âNot Readyâ
02:18 Eve: Â And then I feel, I guess, âIâm not readyâ, so I didnât do it. Â
02:21 Jeffrey Sooey:  Oh, I got it. So the conversation… What had you not do it⊠is this conversation called âIâm not ready.â Â
Eve: Â Right.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Got it. Okay, really good.
[[PAUSE SESSION]]
OK, so let me offer some commentary for a moment…
02:32 Did a conversation really stop this coach from taking action? Â
No, of course not.
But the conversation is a good placeholder for whatever DID stop her. Â
While she was being, or feeling, or thinking a certain way (running a particular pattern or mental program) that was stopping her from taking action, the surface conversation for her was âIâm not ready.â Â
For now Iâll treat this as the culprit that got in her way. Â
02:54 By the way, how many coaches stay stuck or never even get started because theyâre in the conversation of âIâm not ready?â Â
Iâve known many. Â
And if you think that this could be you, read carefully, because this conversation could be the source of a breakthrough for you. Â
Enough commentary for now, letâs continue with the session…
03:10 Eve: Â And then I feel, I guess, âIâm not readyâ, so I didnât do it. Â
03:14 Jeffrey Sooey:  Oh, I got it. So the conversation… What had you not do it⊠is this conversation called âIâm not ready.â Â
Eve: Â Right.
Jeffrey Sooey:  Got it. Okay, itâs really good.  Okay, so weâre getting clear on what had you notâŠ
Eve: Â Okay.
Jeffrey Sooey:  So really what youâre saying is what had you not make the call is this thing that says, âIâm not ready,â which is not just âblanking outâ, although I can get why youâd blank out, because if youâre really not ready, if youâre being that youâre not ready, youâre going to blank outâŠ
âHey, Iâm not ready yet.  I could notâŠ
Iâm not going to know what to say, so I need to blank out, so I can continue to act that out.â Â
Youâre acting out being ânot readyâ by blanking out.
Youâre acting out being ânot readyâ by blanking out. Â
Does that make sense?
03:55 Eve: Â Yes.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Theyâre one and the same [being ânot readyâ and âblanking outâ]. Â They go along with each other.
What Gets You Off The Hook For Your Cowardice
So let me ask you this then, what does the conversation âIâm not readyâ cover up that stops you from making these calls, or it stopped you at the time for making the call? Â
What does it cover up?
[[PAUSE SESSION]]
Some more commentary on thisâŠ
04:10 This âcover upâ question is a key part of any Accountability Coaching conversation. Â
Whenever your client is disempowered to follow through on their promises and intentions, they are covering up the cause that stops them (the cause that pulls them back). Â That doesnât mean that they are outright lying to you (although thatâs always possible), but it means that they are either deceiving themselves, or simply unaware of whatâs really stopping them. Â
04:33 Why would a client who tells you that one particular thing is getting in the way (even though thatâs not the thing thatâs really getting in the way) be unaware of whatâs really getting in the way? Â
Itâs because the client is so busy blaming, or fixing, or focusing on what they say gets in their way, that they donât take the time or energy to consider that something else is really whatâs stopping them.
Itâs because the client is so busy blaming, or fixing, or focusing on what they say gets in their way, that they donât take the time or energy to consider that something else is really whatâs stopping them. Â
In Accountability Coaching, this mechanism is called a âcover upâ, because thatâs what it does…
It covers up whatâs really going on…
…whatâs really stopping your coaching client from their goals and dreams. Â
Enough commentary for now, letâs continue with the session…
05:08 Jeffrey Sooey: Â What does the conversation âIâm not readyâ cover up that stops you from making these calls, or stopped you at the time from making the call? Â
What does it cover up?
05:22 Eve: Â What does it cover up?
When you lie that youâre not ready, what does that get you off the hook for?
Jeffrey Sooey: Â When you lie that youâre not ready, what does that get you off the hook for?
Eve:  When I lie⊠?
I donât know. Â
Maybe sounding stupid?
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Right.
Eve: Â Or them not taking me seriously?
05:41 Jeffrey Sooey: Â Right.
Eve: Â Or them not responding the way I like…
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Right. So if you were really ready, they could still not respond to you nicely. Â
In fact, there are some of them that wonât, right? Â
And you know that. Â
You experienced it already (probably).
06:00 Eve: Â Right, yeah. Â
Jeffrey Sooey:  So if youâre trying to avoid that, or if thereâs fear there, or if thereâs laziness there, or thereâs something else that would have you just want to avoid those thingsâŠ
…then itâs a lot easier to cover up by saying, âWell, Iâm not ready,â…Â Â
…because thatâs a great justification. Â
Since not wanting to get a ânoâ or a bad response from them stopped you (in this case), how are you being that you let that stop you? Â Because you didnât let that stop you before, so there must have been a way you started to show up, thatâs different than in the past, that had you get stopped by knowing that somebody may not respond the way you want.
06:45 Eve: Â Maybe I was feeling like, âCan I actually help these people?â Â
And then maybe, overall, generally thinking that maybe I canât. Â
âHow can I help them?â Â
âWhy am I even calling them?â
06:58 Jeffrey Sooey: Â That sounds like itâs back to the âIâm not readyâ thing. Â
Eve: Â Oh, okay.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Do you know what I mean? Â
Itâs like, âCan I help these people?  I donât know. MaybeâŠâ
That sounds like itâs more of the âIâm not ready.â Â
The question Iâm asking is, who are you being that you get stopped by somebody not responding the way you want?
07:18 Eve: Â a Chicken/Wuss?
Jeffrey Sooey: Â There you go. Really good. Â
Eve: Â Oh, my God!
The Cost of Hiding Your Fear
07:21 Jeffrey Sooey: Â Do you see the difference between that and not being ready? Â
If youâre not ready, you could be totally courageous, and go for it, and be successful, and all that kind of stuff… Â
…Like âI can do whatever I need to do…â
youâve got this justification for not doing it, which is, âWell, I just wasnât ready that day. Â It wasnât that I was being a chicken,â as you said, âor being a wuss, I was just not ready to do that. Â I wasnât ready to make those calls (that Iâm scared of making).â Â
…but youâve got this justification for not doing it, which is, âWell, I just wasnât ready that day. Â It wasnât that I was being a chicken,â as you said, âor being a wuss, I was just not ready to do that. Â I wasnât ready to make those calls (that Iâm scared of making).â Â
07:48 What that gets you off the hook for…
is your cowardice
…chicken
…wussinessâŠ
…whatever you want to use as your favorite term. Â Â
It gets you off the hook for that so you donât have to be responsible for that. Â
08:04 Eve: Â Yeah, okay.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â By the way, it doesnât mean that fear wonât be there. Â
But thereâs a big difference between having some fear and making a call, and having some fear and then not following through on your word. Â You couldâve made those calls in an hour or less, it would be done, and whatever wouldâve happened from it wouldâve happened and you would be (at least probably) stronger for it, if you would put yourself together at that level, and put the energy in to do it. Â
But the coward, the covering up cowardâŠ
…trying to cover upâŠ
…the sense of being a coward, or a chicken, or whatever you would call it, that piece stopped you, because you canât be a coward and make the call, right?
08:48 And you canât cover that up and expect to transform it when youâre operating as if, âWell, thatâs not me. Â I just wasnât ready today,â which was on the surface of that conversation when you stared at the phone and blanked out. Â
You were covering up your cowardice with the âIâm not readyâ conversation. Â
Do you get that?
Eve: Â Yeah. Yeah, thatâs on point. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Whatâs the impact of that? Â I mean, other than not making the calls, thatâs obvious…
09:15 You didnât make the calls, right? Â We know that.
Eve: Â Right.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â What is the most egregious impact of covering up cowardice with a lie of ânot being readyâ?
Eve: Â Iâm just not going to move forward because I feel Iâll never be ready. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Thatâs one of the impacts. Â Youâll never move forward, but you could still survive just not moving forward. Â Thatâs probably one of the reasons why you didnât make the call.
If it was survival… If it was like, âI cannot survive if I donât move forward,â you would have made those calls. Â
So youâll actually make it through not making the calls, and just not making any progress… But, what is the real cost of [that]? Â
Forget about the external, like, âIâm not going to get a client from this,â or something like that. Â
If thatâs all you get from having made those calls, then you got the booby prize out of it, because clients come and go.
Itâs nice [to get clients].
10:09 I mean, I know thatâs what youâre focused on (maybe) right now, but thereâs a much bigger thing to lose. Â
Thereâs way more at stake in those calls (or not making those calls)…
i.e. The impact of covering up cowardice with this lie… itâs a much, much bigger impact on you than just not moving forward and missing out on business (or something like that).
Could it be that I would know that I didnât really give it my all or everything that I could?
10:34 Eve: Â Could it be that I would know that I didnât really give it my all or everything that I could?
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Yeah, thatâs right.
And if you knew that, and you continued to perpetrate that (which I know thatâs not who you are), but if you continued to live like that and operate like that, what would the ultimate loss, or cost, or the most devastating impact be, of allowing that to stay in your life? Â Allowing that to stick [around] over time, and time, and time?
11:06 Eve: Â I think Iâd feel like a walking contradiction. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Okay.
Eve:  Being that I would know all these things, but notâŠ
Jeffrey Sooey: Who would you really become if thatâs how you allowed yourself to live? Â
Whatâs the description you would make for somebody who… like, thatâs a nice term to use, âwalking contradictionâ, but what would be the worst way youâd describe that person?
If you saw them, and you saw how they lived, and you saw how they were acting, and they were talking one way and acting another?
What would be your worst derogatory description, or label, that you would place on them? Â
Not because youâre meanâŠ
…But if you were to see that in yourself, you would say that, if it was the worst way of describing thatâŠ
âŠ[a description] thatâs got some real teeth to it, that it doesnât feel good to say or doesnât feel good to admit?
[[PAUSE SESSION]]
OK, this part is important, so lemme offer commentary on thisâŠ
11:58 Lots of times, clients will try to soften the impact of their issues and cover-ups by softening the language they use when describing the cost and the impact of the issue itself.
Theyâll use clinical or technical language like:
- âIâll be neurotic,â
- âThis is duplicitous,â
- âIt will become a complex,â
- âItâs inauthentic.â Â
Or theyâll try to reduce the true intensity of the impact, like, âIâm sad,â or, âIâm just not being honest.â Â
12:24 Itâs understandable, because the full impact of the issue (or cover up) is not comfortable for them. Â Your client is just trying to retain a modicum of comfort during this coaching session.
However, itâs my job as the coach to get them present to (aware of) the full impact, no matter how uncomfortable it is, because that is what it will take for them to wake up and reassess. Â
12:43 Why bother changing a pattern when the impact is so minor? Â
If your client can comfortably live with a problem, generally, they wonât change it.
If your client can comfortably live with a problem, generally, they wonât change it. Â
Theyâll just live with that issue for as long as they can. Â
Thatâs where coaching really changes the game for my client if I do my job. Â
They may have been comfortable before with this issue, but theyâre not going to be comfortable with leaving it as it is after our session together, assuming that itâs impact is major (which it usually is, if theyâre bringing it up in a coaching session). Â
Enough commentary.  Letâs look at the way I pushed for that raw impact again⊠Â
13:13 Jeffrey Sooey: Â …thatâs a nice term to use, âwalking contradictionâ, but what would be the worst way youâd describe that person?
If you saw them, and you saw how they lived, and you saw how they were acting, and they were talking one way and acting another?
What would be your worst derogatory description, or label, that you would place on them? Â
Not because youâre meanâŠ
…But if you were to see that in yourself, you would say that, if it was the worst way of describing thatâŠ
âŠ[a description] thatâs got some real teeth to it, that doesnât feel good to say, or doesnât feel good to admit? Â
13:47 Eve:  I canât come up with a really harsh one.  The only thing that comes up isâŠ
Jeffrey Sooey: Â It doesnât have to be harsh.
Eve: Â Oh.
I want it to beâŠ
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Go ahead.
Eve: Â Iâm thinking a fake, a phony.
14:01 Jeffrey Sooey: Â Yeah.
Eve: Â A liar.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Okay, there you go. So that sounds harsh… plenty harsh to me, but do you see how those [labels] have some serious teeth?
Eve: Â Okay.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Fake, phony, liar, itâs not like that would really be who you are, but you could start to be that way because of the way that you operated, which was completely divorced from what you were saying, and promising, and really what youâre committed to as well. Â
14:30 Eve: Â Right.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Youâd end up being a fake, being a phony, and so…
Whatâs at stake?
Again, itâs not about the phone call. Â
Itâs not about the client. Â
When youâre going to make the call to the business⊠the business that the voice in your head will say youâre ânot readyâ for, or that youâll still have fear about even if you cover it up with that âIâm not readyâ thingâŠ
…what is making that call really about then? Â
Whatâs really at stake in that call?
14:57 Eve: Â Pride.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â [Agrees]
15:00 Eve: Â My ego again keeps coming up.
Jeffrey Sooey:  Okay. What I mean by that is: Whatâs at stake knowing that if you were not to follow through on that promise consistently, not once or twice (because we  could all fall off the wagon every once in a while), but if you knew that you were consistently to allow those [opportunities] to slip past you, and you didnât follow what you knew was right, and you allowed yourself to end up living as if you were a fake, or a phony, or a liar, or something like that…
…whatâs at stake in the phone call then?
15:35 Eve: Â It sounds like everything that Iâve put into the coaching. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â In a way, yeah.
Eve:  When Iâm not callingâŠ
being a phony, is that in alignment with who you really are at the deepest level?
Jeffrey Sooey: Â And by the way, knowing that who you are in life…
…Is being a phony, is that in alignment with who you really are at the deepest level?
15:52 Eve: Â Right. No.
The Limitless Possibilities That Stem From Being Yourself
Jeffrey Sooey: Â And so if you allowed that to be your life, then what would be the impact of that? Â
What would be the cost of that?
16:02 Eve: Â I would end not satisfied with coaching just as I did with my previous job, because I wasnât allowed to be myself.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Right.
Eve: Â Inauthentic. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â And more than the coaching, or more than the career itself, it would simply be you not being able to be yourself, you not being who you really are. Â
Eve: Â Yeah.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Thatâs awful.
Eve: Â Again, yeah. Â
16:30 Jeffrey Sooey: Â You can live or die by your coaching [business]. Â
You could fail or succeed.
But, if youâre not yourself in the process of it, no matter what happens with that, thereâs a huge cost right there. Â
You could call it your soul, or your ego, or your identity, or whatever, but if youâre not you, what else is there to lose?
You could call it your soul, or your ego, or your identity, or whatever, but if youâre not you, what else is there to lose?
Eve: Â Yeah.
16:54 Jeffrey Sooey: Â Thatâs a lot right there. Â
Eve: Â Exactly.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Thatâs the impact.
And again, itâs not about the phone call, but thatâs the impact of this. Â Thatâs the potential impact, in the future, at least, of this cover up of the cowardice. Â
If nothing else, just let yourself be a coward, and embrace it, and get that, âOkay, thatâs me. Â Now, can I go make that call?â… because in the face of that, you can turn that around and create courage, which is a very, very transformational piece, which is who you really are. Â
And, yes, sometimes youâre going to be afraid, but thatâs why this is a huge opportunity for you. Â
To be who you really are takes courage, because in this world, there are going to be times when [the world] doesnât reward you for being who you are. Â
Does that make sense?
17:42 Eve: Â Yeah, yeah.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â So whether itâs rewarded or not, if you can be who you are in the face of that, then whatâs the opportunity there?
[[PAUSE SESSION]]
17:49 This is a key moment for the session, so a little commentary…
Did you notice how this negative impact just opened the door to a positive transformation? Â
We often hear thereâs an opportunity for greatness, or growth, or victory inside every issue, or challenge, or limitation, and this is the key crux moment where we find that breakthrough in this session. Â
Letâs review the beginning of that again, and how I moved the conversation into limitless possibilities for this client to be herself…
18:16 Jeffrey Sooey: Â Thatâs the potential impact, in the future, at least, of this cover up of the cowardice. Â
If nothing else, just let yourself be a coward, and embrace it, and get that, âOkay, thatâs me. Â Now, can I go make that call?â… because in the face of that, you can turn that around and create courage, which is a very, very transformational piece, which is who you really are. Â
And, yes, sometimes youâre going to be afraid, but thatâs why this is a huge opportunity for you. Â
To be who you really are takes courage, because in this world, there are going to be times when [the world] doesnât reward you for being who you are. Â
Does that make sense?
Eve: Â Yeah, yeah.
18:56 Jeffrey Sooey: Â So whether itâs rewarded or not, if you can be who you are in the face of that, then whatâs the opportunity there?
If you could be who you are, even though youâre not encouraged, or rewarded, or patted on the head for it, whatâs possible then?
19:13 Eve: Â Itâs kind of limitless where I can go, if I donât give up on myself, or hide behind my cowardice.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Thatâs really great.
Thatâs whatâs available to you, then. Â Itâs limitless possibilities.
And thatâs who you really are, but itâs just that the world doesnât necessarily just love you, and give you everything for that, just because thatâs what youâre attempting to express initially. Â
Itâs going to take some momentum. Â
Itâs going to take some work, and itâs a battle, and it takes courage, and all those kinds of things, which youâve shown in the past, and I think that, in this conversation, youâve also demonstrated that as well. Â
So I acknowledge you tremendously just for that. Â
19:54 I think all that there is left to do, is to make, not only this commitment, which youâre welcome to do at this end of this session, re-make that commitment and get back on the horse with it, so you really allow yourself to have that transformation. Â
20:07 But as important as that (or probably more important than that) isâŠ
…what do you need to commit to so that you transform this pattern of covering up?
Not cowardice, as cowardice is more of just a behavior based upon covering up fear. Â
People that are afraid, but arenât going to cover it up… they admit the fearâŠ
…they usually are able to transform it. Â
Itâs the people that are busy covering it up that are the most cowardly of all, because theyâre not just in fear, theyâre in fear of even dealing with the fact that theyâre in fear. Â
Itâs a double fear, if you will. Â
20:46 So what do you need to do to transform that process that would take your identity, and steal and rob you from the chance to be yourself, in all the limitless possibilities that are possible there? Â
What do you need to commit to make sure (and once in a while it might get in the way), but what do you need to commit to make sure that, generally speaking, you get past it, or at least you donât let it hide out, or you donât give it a place in your life, such that covering up fear ends up causing the fear to steal your life? Â
What do you need to commit to make sure you keep on your radar screen, or that you head it off at the pass, or that you get in front of it, so you donât allow this to cause the kind of limitations that youâve experienced since our last session?
21:40 Eve: Â Iâm not sure. Â
Iâm guessing maybe put it down as part of my baseline** and commit to it on a daily basis, at least a little bit, and Iâm not sure if thatâs a commitment.
**The âBaselineâ Eve if referring to is a concept we teach in the Synergy Private Client program, that means an ever-evolving set of regularly used strategies that constitute the core commitments and activities you must use, outside of all the creative, expansive ideas you can come up with⊠The baseline is the answer to the question:  Whatâs the âbaselineâ or âbasicâ foundation that youâll come back to, strategically speaking, again and again, in order to succeed.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Okay, and so what would the commitment be? Â
What would you need to commit to as part of your baseline?
21:50 Eve: Â Calling the businesses?
[[PAUSE SESSION]]
Some more commentary on thisâŠ
Here my client is trying to just recommit to the action she didnât take before. Â Iâm going to attempt to get her to commit to truly transforming what it was that stopped her from taking action in the first place.
That way, sheâll not only do what she skipped out on before, but many other breakthroughs and possibilities will show up, because this thing that stopped her from this one action, itâs also stopping her from many other actions, dreams, and possibilities, in many areas of her life. Â
Thatâs why we say that coaching works on many levels, or layers with a client. Â
There are multiple dimensions of possibility and transformation available out of this one coaching call. Â
So letâs look at how I encouraged that deeper and more multidimensional commitment that will transform so much more than just her business…
22:41 Jeffrey Sooey: Â Okay, and so what would the commitment be? Â
What would you need to commit to as part of your baseline?
Eve: Calling the businesses?
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Which is great. Thatâs the specific thing that you already committed to. Â
Iâm talking about, what do you need to commit to transform? Â
…And by the way, if you just made those calls, youâd probably, in the process, naturally transform this whole âcovering up the fearâ thingâŠ
Youâd probably, just in the process of that, transform covering up the fear, I would guess. Â
23:11 What Iâm asking you for isâŠ
Okay, in order to transform covering up my fear, Iâve got to pick up the phone and make a bunch of calls.â
…whatâs the more direct commitment where you can actually make sure that â because the challenge with that is, âOkay, in order to transform covering up my fear, Iâve got to pick up the phone and make a bunch of calls.â Â
But guess what, if youâre covering up your fear at that time, youâre not going to pick up the phone and make a bunch of calls. Â
So itâs like a chicken and the egg. Â Does that make sense?
Eve: Â Right. Do you mean like admitting the fear?
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Okay, that sounds like a great commitment. Â
23:38 Eve: Â Okay.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Is that something youâre willing to do?
Eve: Â Yeah.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Itâs really great.
If you just committed to admitting the fear and being honest about that (Thatâs really what this is about. Â Itâs more about honesty than it is about fear, because everybody has got fear.)…
Iâd have fear if I called those businesses, right?
Eve: Â Okay.
23:56 Jeffrey Sooey: Â But if youâre honest about it, then cowardice wouldnât show up because youâd deal with it. Â
Youâd actually see it, youâd admit it, and youâd get real about it, the fact that thatâs really whatâs going on. Â
Itâs not this âIâm not readyâ kind of thing. Â
That makes total sense, just admitting it.  Itâs just an honesty commitment, basically, if thatâs something that youâre willing to commit to, even beyond the callsâŠ
…and again, I know youâre going to recommit to the calls, and thatâs awesome, but besides and beyond that, are you willing to commit that youâre going to be honest when fear comes up for you, at least starting with yourselfâŠ
…and just say, âOkay, Iâm afraid. Â Thatâs whatâs happening right now,â and just get that, so you are present to it, and itâs not this other game of trying to get away from that act (as if that doesnât exist).
24:40 Eve: Â I hope so. I want to, and sometimes itâs so subconscious I canât even hear it. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Yup.
Eve: Â You see, I hear my thoughts because Iâve meditated for the past several months. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Okay.
Eve: Â But I didnât hear it this time. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â I get it. That makes sense.
By the way, thatâs why we had to bring it up in this conversation, because it was hidden from your view for whatever reason. Â
25:03 Eve: Â Right, exactly, yeah. Â
Jeffrey Sooey:  Now, you see it, and thereâs a commitment there to be honest about that, and itâs just a question ofâŠ
What practices can you put in place so that you keep that on your radar screen when you look for it? Â
My coaching for you on that one isâŠ
…Just keep an eye on it as a part of your ritual. Â
Put it up on your wall that youâre âafraidâ. Â
Just really get your fear, and the moment you get it, like, you really get itâŠ
Do you get how afraid you are?
Do you get how afraid you are?
25:39 Eve: Â No. I donât know what Iâm afraid of. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Well, I think you shared it. Â
I mean, you shared one of the fears you had, which is that you donât get the result that you want when you make the call, right?
Eve: Â Oh yeah, okay. Â
Jeffrey Sooey:  You didnât do a good job for on the call, or you couldnât help these guysâŠ
You made a good list of fears, it sounds like. Â
26:01 Eve: Â Oh, okay, fine. Â
Jeffrey Sooey:  You didnât talk about it as if you were afraid of those, but my guess isâŠ
Thereâs a good chance that a lot of those probably chalk to that piece.
But, what you did (and hereâs a funny thing)…
You just said you donât get it, but I think what youâve got in this conversation isâŠ
You got that you were afraid at times, which had you not make calls, because you werenât present to that fear at the time. Â
Eve: Â Right, right, right.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â So you at least got that. Â
Eve: Â Okay.
26:30 Jeffrey Sooey:  So Iâll ask you the question againâŠ
Do you get that youâre afraid?
Eve: Â Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Jeffrey Sooey: Now that you get your fear, you really get your fear, and get youâre afraid, what comes up for you? Â
What do you notice, now that you get that?
Eve: Â That itâs illogical, and thereâs no reason to not move forward just because youâre afraid. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Wow. Itâs fantastic.
So thatâs the point of the commitment to get this, and to be honest about it, because as soon as youâre honest about it, you can focus on it and give it some attentionâŠ
…because really, your fear just wants some attention. Â
It just wants to be protected. Â
It wants you to take care of it just like any other part of you, right?
27:17 Eve: Â [Agrees]
Jeffrey Sooey: Â So you give it a little attention and immediately… now youâve got the solution where youâre like, âThis is irrational. Â This doesnât make any sense. This is not going to help me in any way. Now, I can just get on with it.â
So now, what do you get? Â
Now that you said that, and now that you get that… now what do you experience? Â
What are you experiencing right now?
27:37 Eve: Â Iâm feeling stupid because I just talked about fear and not letting it stop me to my client. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Yeah, okay. And by the way, itâs not stupid. Â
Thatâs just what you said that you didnât want to be, which was fake. Â
Itâs like saying it to one person and then going and doing the exact opposite of what you said.
Eve: Â Right.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â So you get your inauthenticity in regards to what you say versus what you were currently doing in the past, at least. Â
28:08 Eve: Â Right.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Itâs great to get that.
But, what Iâm saying is, now that you get what came up for you about fear (how irrational and illogical it is) and you get the inconsistency between what youâve been telling clients and what youâve been doing for yourself, what are you now experiencing?
Eve: Â A little clarity. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Nice. Thatâs really nice. Â
Thatâs what was missing when you were staring at the phone and blanking out. Â
28:37 Eve: Â Yeah.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Itâs just clarity, and courage…
But if you were clear on that moment, the calls just would have shown up.
[[PAUSE SESSION]]
28:45 This is where the session comes full circle.  My commentary belowâŠ
My client finds what was missing in the moment that she blew off her calls, clarity. Â
If she had clarity in that moment, she would have just picked up the phone and made the damn calls!
Do you see how this is a multidimensional transformation? Â
If a client just gets themselves into action, thatâs powerful, but if they actually get access to clarity (not the concept of it, but literally experience it in the session itself), then imagine all the areas where that would transform their life, their actions, their relationships, their communication, their emotions, and their entire experience.
29:23 Thatâs what I was looking for inside this âmindful fearâ techniqueâŠ
Getting her access to what was missing for her, such that, if she had it, it would transform everything.
Why did we need to go through that âfear awarenessâ in order to get there?
Because that clarity wasnât possible without full awareness and ownership of her fear.
Thatâs it for my commentary.  Letâs read through the wrap-up of this session⊠Â
29:42 Jeffrey Sooey: Â What are you now experiencing?
Eve: Â A little clarity. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Nice. Thatâs really nice. Â Thatâs what was missing when you were staring at the phone and blanking out. Â
Eve: Â Yeah.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Itâs just clarity, and courage…
But if you were clear on that moment, the calls just would have shown up, and whatever to say, and whatever to do to make the best possible future out of those conversations and relationships probably would have come up as well. Â
Thatâs all that was missing, but clarity was impossible at that point, because of this thing that you hadnât noticed. Â Thatâs all.
30:21 Eve: Â Right.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â So itâs being aware of that, and now youâve got clarity. Â
This is really great, and with that clarity, not just anything is possible, because youâre breaking through the fear, and youâre aligned with who you really areâŠ
…but you have the power to do that consistently, because, when you bring that clarity to the table, you can break through fear anytime, because it will cut through it like a knife.
Eve: Â I hope so.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â And I get that. I appreciate that uncertainty. Â Thatâs a good place to be, you know?
30:55 Eve: Â Yeah.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Thatâs probably better than just fear thatâs been covered up, because, at least now youâre like, âI donât know whatâs going to happen,â which is exactly where you should be, because you donât know.
But at least you can be clear that you donât know, and you can have courage in the face of the unknown.
The âI am Afraidâ Success Poster
Can you do that now that you get that your fear is not aligned with who you really are?
31:18 Eve: Â Yeah. I mean, Iâll do everything I can to recognize it.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â Nice. Thatâs the commitment that Iâm asking you for… just to keep it in front of you. Â
Donât forget your fear. Â
Donât ignore your fear. Â
Donât deny your fear. Â
Embrace your fear. Â
Look at your fear, give it some attention, and just be aware of your fear. Â
Be present to it. Â
When youâre about to make a call and you start feeling the fear, or the same game comes up (so you donât have to experience and admit that youâre afraid), be like, âThis is my fear. Â Iâm experiencing it right now, and now I can make the call, but I know Iâm afraid, okay.â
31:59 If you donât acknowledge it, then it will be the same game. Â Youâll blank out and youâll do this whole hopscotch again.
Thatâs the commitment Iâm asking you for. Â
Are you committed to do that?
Eve: Â Yes, definitely. Â
32:09 Jeffrey Sooey: Â Great, itâs really good. Â
put âI am afraidâ on a poster and put it on your wall.
So my coaching for you on this is put âI am afraidâ on a poster and put it on your wall.
Eve: Â Okay.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â You know, they have those success posters that they put on the wall, but your success poster is âI am afraid.â Â
Eve: Â Okay. I could do that.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â And then it will be really hard to forget that shit, you know?
32:32 Eve: Â Yeah.
Jeffrey Sooey: Â But put it right by your phone so when you look at the phone and you see that this where you see fear, youâre like, âOkay, yeah, thatâs what thatâs about. Â Okay, great. Now, letâs make the call and just get over it.â
Eve: Â Okay. Iâll do that. Â
Jeffrey Sooey: Â All right, itâs really good. Â
Eve: Â Thank you, Jeff.
[[END SESSION]]
I Hope you took some great value out of this inside view of how I provide Accountability Coaching to someone dealing with fear.
Do you ever stop yourself from moving forward in your coaching business because youâre ânot readyâ? Â Is it possibly just FEAR?
How do you break through to take action? Â
Have you had a client like this? Â How did you help THEM?
What did I miss? Â What else might have helped my client? Â
Put a comment below, and letâs have a conversation about it. Â
By the way, you can grab your own free step-by-step 30 Days to Become a Coach video tool kit. Â

Just go HERE now to get your 30-day coaching blueprint videos. Youâll learn more detail on these same Accountability Coaching techniques I demonstrated in this session, other advanced coaching and practice building techniques, and more. Â
Jeffrey T. Sooey
CEO, JTS Advisors
Founder, Coaches Training Blog community
Great article.
I can not cease telling everyone about how a lot your book has helped my on /off nervousness and subsequent despair.