The path becoming a relationship coach seems easy at first glance.  Everyone has relationships that they struggle with.  But the real problem is how to become a relationship coach when you have skeletons in your own closet.  What if your clients find out?  Will your relationship coach certification be invalid if you severe your relationship with your brother?  Fortunately, there is a way to learn how to become a relationship coach despite your own relationship challenges.

How to Become a Relationship Coach Who Knows What is at Stake

Let’s face it, when someone threatens to take away one or more of our basic needs we’ll do what we need to do to protect it.  For example:  You decide to practice your relationship coach technology on your sister, and instead of coming closer to you she retreats into her shell.  You feel a loss of love and connection.  If she says, “This is stupid” then you may loose significance and might wonder how to become a relationship coach.  It is key to realize that whatever is going on, is going on between your own ears.

How to Become a Relationship Coach Who Listens Instead of Reacts

And what happens when we feel hurt or threatened?  We react.  You might retreat into the safety of your tortoise shell or you might lift your tail like a skunk and make a big stink.  But if you keep your relationship coach cap on, and think about the steps you’ve taken towards how to become a relationship coach, then truly listen with the intent to understand, you have a chance to transform the relationship.  If you’re waiting for the other person to go first, chances are you’ve missed their attempt or they’re waiting for you to go first.

How to Become a Relationship Coach Who Gives Feedback

Now is your chance to be the relationship coach with your mom and tell her what’s wrong with her…right?  Wrong!  Giving feedback means feeding back what you’ve heard the other person say, so they feel understood, this essential when pondering how to become a relationship coach.  Ask for confirmation that you’ve interpreted their message correctly.  That’s it!

How Become a Relationship Coach Who Owns Their Part and Accepts Responsibility for Providing the Solution

If you’re not screaming, “That’s not fair!” by now, you’re not in enough pain to change.  You are the only one who has the power to transform your relationships, and your career as a relationship coach hinges on this concept.  You don’t need to grovel, or beg, or be fake.  In fact, those are the things that probably got you into the relationship mess you’re in.  It may be as simple as simply saying, “I thought…” or “I interpreted that as…” or “I felt…” and then “I know that wasn’t your intent.”

Just because you’re a relationship coach doesn’t mean you have to be successful in all your relationships.  When you can have an authentic conversation with a loved one, you may feel that you run the risk of loosing it all.  But in that moment you become a relationship coach who walks their talk.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach