{"id":28227,"date":"2022-10-16T22:59:14","date_gmt":"2022-10-17T06:59:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/?p=28227"},"modified":"2022-10-16T23:22:58","modified_gmt":"2022-10-17T07:22:58","slug":"giving-advice-in-a-coaching-session","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/giving-advice-in-a-coaching-session\/","title":{"rendered":"Giving Advice in a Coaching Session"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Recently, team member <a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/author\/kris-thompson\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Kris Thompson<\/strong><\/a> wrote about how <a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/coaching-works-best-in-a-loop\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Coaching Works Bes<\/strong><\/a><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/coaching-works-best-in-a-loop\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">t<\/a><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/coaching-works-best-in-a-loop\/\"><strong> in a \u201cLoop\u201d<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">His point was \u201c<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Get ahead of your client through learning and experience<\/span> so you can \u2018lead the way\u2019 more powerfully and authentically\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But it wasn\u2019t more than 24 hours after he shared his message\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026when another coach commented <strong><em>\u201cYou mean TEACHING works best in a loop. <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">A Coach doesn\u2019t teach<\/span>\u201d<\/em><\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"624\" height=\"108\" src=\"https:\/\/lh3.googleusercontent.com\/eRFxg8l_UCiK3mOqkDolvw9S7Y6MOAI7fdHN_Arr6CWqoaPqEavF3r3tnrY-r8J-XVptEhxsvVt10BPG4JiMOa-n3MfUB3pSF_e8DFg8cgmlM8Yv2Lfs9y2AAtRJivBKYmGw_pUID1UBj_Ej2J1yMCUmfsc6d6HhRmJzhBBaB3CcreZt0EYm_MEOIA\" alt=\"a coach doesn't teach\"><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And I thought <strong><em>\u201cOh no. Here we go.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">(See my <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">response<\/span> to this comment at the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">end of the email<\/span>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Dogma<\/span> permeates the coaching community.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Rules<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Boundaries<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Taboos<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Like\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cDon\u2019t tell. <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Ask<\/span>.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cDon\u2019t look to the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">past<\/span>. Focus on the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">future<\/span>.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cForget <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your own view<\/span>. The client\u2019s view is <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">all that matters<\/span>.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And on and on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And <strong><em>\u201cA Coach doesn\u2019t teach.\u201d<\/em><\/strong> is no different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Another righteous opinion\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026supported by coaching lore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In fact, these cryptic commandments were chiseled long ago (Deep inside International Coach Federation\u2019s \u2018Coaching Competencies\u2019 mythology):<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong><em>\u201cThe Coach <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">cannot be the most significant voice<\/span> in the relationship.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li><strong><em>\u201cThe Coach <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">cannot<\/span> use a \u2018<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">telling<\/span> methodology\u2019.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This comes pretty close to saying that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">teaching<\/span>, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">telling<\/span>, or <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">advising<\/span>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026is a <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">blatant NO NO<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And THAT\u2019S from the world-recognized authority in personal and professional coaching!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A basic precept of the ICF \u2018worldview of coaching\u2019&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026is that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">you don\u2019t give advice<\/span>\u2026 PERIOD.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>A basic precept of the ICF \u2018worldview of coaching\u2019&#8230;is that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">you don\u2019t give advice<\/span>\u2026 PERIOD.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The point?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>As a coach, you <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">don\u2019t just \u2018tell people stuff<\/span>\u2019.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can\u2019t just direct your client.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That\u2019s called <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">mentoring<\/span>, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">consulting<\/span>, or <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">advising<\/span> (or <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">teaching<\/span>)\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">not<\/span> coaching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>But TELLING your client the answers can be helpful!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If your client needs to know something important\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026then TELLING <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">could change their life for the better<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What\u2019s wrong with telling your client the best way to solve a problem?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Coaches argue that you can simply COACH your client to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">find those same answers themselves<\/span>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>But what if your client <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">can\u2019t FIND the answer themselves<\/span>?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>If your client needs to know something important\u2026then TELLING <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">could change their life for the better<\/span>.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why waste your client\u2019s time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why not just <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">give them the answer<\/span> NOW?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why not allow your client to leverage your extensive experience and knowledge?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Why not make your coaching even more valuable?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Your client might <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">disagree<\/span>.<\/li><li>Your client could <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">argue with your point<\/span>.<\/li><li>Your client might feel <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">suppressed<\/span> or <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">bossed around<\/span>.<\/li><li>Your client can <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">resist your directions<\/span>.<\/li><li>Your client may <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">resent you<\/span> for bringing up your opinion.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Every time you <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">tell<\/span> your client what to do\u2026 <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">you compromise the coaching relationship<\/span>.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">risk losing influence<\/span> with your client\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026and you risk <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">weakening the coaching relationship<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your advice makes a WITHDRAWAL out of your client\u2019s \u2018emotional bank account\u2019\u2026 even if it\u2019s a small one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Yes, some clients want you to be the \u2018all knowing guru\u2019.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They want you to tell them what to do, so they can do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But what about <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">when you\u2019re not around<\/span>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What about when your client has to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">take care of themselves<\/span>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>The point of coaching <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">isn\u2019t to make your client DEPENDENT<\/span> on all of your knowledge, experience, and answers.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That\u2019s not empowerment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That\u2019s <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">mothering<\/span>, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">smothering<\/span>, and potentially turning your client into a <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">victim<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>But sometimes you NEED to give your client advice\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026because the information is so <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">critical<\/span>, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">valuable<\/span>, and <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">essential<\/span>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026that it would be <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">coaching MALPRACTICE to withhold it<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>How can you <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">advise your client<\/span> in such a way where you\u2019re <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">still a coach<\/span>?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">How can you \u2018<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">teach<\/span>\u2019, and <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">still empower<\/span> your client?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Without the emotional withdrawal?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Without the resentment, resistance, and arguments?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Enter the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Three Question Technique<\/span>.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The Three Question Technique:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>helps your client <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">feel heard<\/span>.<\/li><li>puts you <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">on your client\u2019s side<\/span>.<\/li><li>assures your advice is more <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">accurate<\/span>.<\/li><li>gives the best chance of <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your client accepting your advice<\/span>.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And here\u2019s how it works\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Never give advice, or tell your client what to do\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u2026<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">until<\/span> you <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">ask them THREE QUESTIONS<\/span> about their issue, goal, or problem.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><strong>Never give advice, or tell your client what to do\u2026<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">until<\/span> you <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">ask them THREE QUESTIONS<\/span> about their issue, goal, or problem.<\/strong>&#8220;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">You can ask whatever questions you want<\/span>, as long as those three questions help you understand more:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>about the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">problem<\/span> or <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">goal<\/span>.<\/li><li>about <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your clients perspective<\/span>.<\/li><li>about <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your client<\/span>.<\/li><li>about the barriers your client is facing.<\/li><li>about <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">why<\/span> your client is bringing this up in the first place.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Get the idea?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You\u2019re asking three questions to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">UNDERSTAND the problem, your client, and the situation<\/span>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026BEFORE you attempt to give advice about it\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026EVEN if you think you already KNOW \u2018the answer\u2019 without asking ANY questions whatsoever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/3-questions-LOGO.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" src=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/3-questions-LOGO-1024x576.jpg\" alt=\"Three questions \" class=\"wp-image-28228\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/3-questions-LOGO-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/3-questions-LOGO-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/3-questions-LOGO-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/3-questions-LOGO-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/3-questions-LOGO-640x360.jpg 640w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/3-questions-LOGO.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Those three questions make sure that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your advice is in the \u2018helpful ballpark<\/span>\u2019&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your client is READY for the advice<\/span> you\u2019re about to give.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026and that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your client\u2019s feelings aren\u2019t conflicting<\/span> with your advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Asking three questions FIRST can help hone your advice into a <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">laser focused, highly accurate, precision KNOWLEDGE BOMB<\/span>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Here\u2019s an example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>A client was having panic attacks over seemingly ordinary events.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I happened to know that her worries were likely about \u2018control issues\u2019 as she approached her upcoming wedding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">(Panic, fear, etc., is usually based in uncertainty, which can stem from lack of control.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So, I was just about to tell her all that\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026when I remembered the Three Question Technique.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>FIRST QUESTION: <\/strong><strong><em>\u201cWere you having this much anxiety a year ago? Five years ago?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">(I knew that her life has gotten better and better, so that would help me understand <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">if this is a novel challenge or just more of the same<\/span>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She answered that she had always had struggles with anxiety, but never this intensely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>SECOND QUESTION: <\/strong><strong><em>\u201cWhen do these panic attacks emerge? What are the triggers?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">(I wanted to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">see if there was any obvious pattern<\/span>, as I already suspected that her increasing anxiety was revolving around her upcoming wedding.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She gave me the context of each of the most recent attacks, and they all involved her relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>THIRD QUESTION: <em>\u201cWhat\u2019s the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">common thread<\/span> between all these panic attacks? Is there a <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">unifying theme<\/span> that they all seem to revolve around?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">(I could have just told her: <strong><em>\u201cYou\u2019re having control issues around your relationship transition\u2026 going from single to married, etc.\u201d<\/em><\/strong>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026but <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">I FORCED MYSELF to ask question 3<\/span>, prior to jumping on the \u2018teaching\u2019 bandwagon.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She thought for a moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cThey are ALL around CONTROL.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ME: <strong><em>\u201cYes. And what could be threatening your control more NOW than ever?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HER: <strong><em>\u201cI don\u2019t know (Other than just overwhelm)?<\/em><\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I had asked my three questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I knew that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">my \u2018advice\u2019 was going to be spot on<\/span>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026and I knew <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">she was ready to hear it<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So I told her:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cYou\u2019re about to get married to a \u2018take charge\u2019 man.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cYou\u2019ve been the \u2018boss\u2019 in your life for over a decade.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cYou\u2019ve had to be 100% in control of your work, your family, and your finances.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cNo one else has taken charge\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u2026until NOW.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cSo you\u2019re about to relinquish control of a big part of your life\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u2026to a man that you love and trust (and he adores you).\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HER: <strong><em>\u201cBut I LOVE the idea of him taking charge and taking care of me. That\u2019s everything I\u2019ve been dreaming of!\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ME: <strong><em>\u201cBut that also scares the shit out of you.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cNot because you don\u2019t WANT it\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u2026but because you\u2019re no longer in charge.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cThat\u2019s going to take some adjustment\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u2026but it\u2019ll also take faith, courage, and LETTING GO.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cSo THANK GOD this is happening!\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She cried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We discussed the details\u2026 what to do\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026and how to appreciate the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">freedom<\/span>, the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">relief<\/span>, and the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">ecstasy<\/span>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">comes with LETTING GO<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">could\u2019ve given that same advice without asking<\/span> those questions\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026but <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">the questions helped pave the way<\/span> for her ACCEPTING the advice\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026UNDERSTANDING the advice\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026and FEELING the advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Those questions also <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">helped CONFIRM my suspicions<\/span>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026about what was REALLY going on\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">underneath<\/span> her anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-media-text alignwide has-media-on-the-right is-stacked-on-mobile\" style=\"grid-template-columns:auto 48%\"><figure class=\"wp-block-media-text__media\"><a href=\"https:\/\/coachcertificationtraining.com\/rookie-credibility-free-video\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"500\" src=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/ICF-FREE-VIDEO-TRAINING.jpg\" alt=\"ICF Certification VIDEO\" class=\"wp-image-25010 size-full\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/ICF-FREE-VIDEO-TRAINING.jpg 800w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/ICF-FREE-VIDEO-TRAINING-300x188.jpg 300w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/ICF-FREE-VIDEO-TRAINING-768x480.jpg 768w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/ICF-FREE-VIDEO-TRAINING-640x400.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"wp-block-media-text__content\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>(NOTE: If you\u2019ve been asking questions about ICF Certification lately, then you need to watch <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/coachcertificationtraining.com\/rookie-credibility-free-video\">this video<\/a><\/strong>. In the video, I\u2019ll explain how to best get and use this \u2018<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/coachcertificationtraining.com\/rookie-credibility-free-video\">ultimate credibility advantage<\/a><\/strong>\u2019. <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/coachcertificationtraining.com\/rookie-credibility-free-video\">Click HERE<\/a><\/strong> now to <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/coachcertificationtraining.com\/rookie-credibility-free-video\">watch the video<\/a><\/strong>.)<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Once you\u2019ve asked those three questions, go ahead\u2026 give your client advice.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">package the advice<\/span> the best way possible\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026<span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">considering all the answers<\/span> your client just gave you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Ask<\/span> the three questions.<\/li><li><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Listen<\/span> to, and <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">consider their answers<\/span>.<\/li><li>Tell them <strong><em>\u201cHere\u2019s the coaching\u2026 \u201c<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li>Then, go ahead with the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">advice<\/span>\u2026<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Tell them what to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Tell them what\u2019s right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Tell him what you think.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Direct them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Tell them where they\u2019re deluded (if you have to).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Those three questions will lead <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">a journey of exploration<\/span> with your client\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>You\u2019ll discover <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">what\u2019s going on with them<\/span>.<\/li><li>You\u2019ll <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">create awareness<\/span> around their situation.<\/li><li>You\u2019ll offer the most <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">supportive<\/span>, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">accepted<\/span>, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">understood<\/span>, and <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">powerful advice<\/span> you can.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>But you also might find that those three questions <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">are all you need to transform your client<\/span>.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When you\u2019re chomping at the bit to give your client \u2018the answer\u2019&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026but you use the Three Question Technique\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026you\u2019ll <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">discover that you don\u2019t need to give the \u2018advice<\/span>\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Because\u2026 by the time you\u2019re done asking the third question\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u2026your client <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">already finds the answer themselves<\/span>\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\u2026WITHOUT YOU TELLING THEM.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They will have an \u2018aha\u2019 moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They will start asking THEMSELVES new questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They will <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">come up with new answers<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They will discover a different perspective on the issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And they\u2019ll <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">spontaneously transform<\/span>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026right before your eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">All because you<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ASKED.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THREE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">QUESTIONS.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And, ideally, THOSE QUESTIONS ALONE will cause the transformation\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026as a loyal ICF coach would hope\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2026no advice needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Jeffrey \u201cAsk Before Advice\u201d Sooey<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\"><\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Recently, team member Kris Thompson wrote about how Coaching Works Best in a \u201cLoop\u201d. His point was \u201cGet ahead of your client through learning and experience so you can \u2018lead the way\u2019 more powerfully and authentically\u201d. But it wasn\u2019t more than 24 hours after he shared his message\u2026 \u2026when another coach commented \u201cYou mean TEACHING [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":28228,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2670,2107],"tags":[2669,821],"class_list":["post-28227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-coaching-and-mentoring-skills-training","category-coaching-skills-2","tag-coaching-and-mentoring-skills-training","tag-coaching-skills","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/3-questions-LOGO.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28227","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28227"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28227\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28234,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28227\/revisions\/28234"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/28228"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28227"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28227"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28227"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}