{"id":27028,"date":"2021-12-05T21:53:39","date_gmt":"2021-12-06T05:53:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/?p=27028"},"modified":"2022-01-23T17:59:23","modified_gmt":"2022-01-24T01:59:23","slug":"creating-rules-to-support-your-clients-goals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/creating-rules-to-support-your-clients-goals\/","title":{"rendered":"Creating Rules to Support Your Client\u2019s Goals"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Last week we talked about the \u2018rules\u2019 that run your clients&#8217; life\u2026Remember <a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/3-coaching-questions-that-uncover-bad-rules\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>THIS<\/strong><\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-style-default\"><a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RULES-MODEL-LOGO.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" src=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RULES-MODEL-LOGO-1024x576.jpg\" alt=\"Pyramid w\/ engagement rules\" class=\"wp-image-27015\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RULES-MODEL-LOGO-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RULES-MODEL-LOGO-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RULES-MODEL-LOGO-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RULES-MODEL-LOGO-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RULES-MODEL-LOGO-640x360.jpg 640w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/RULES-MODEL-LOGO.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This week you\u2019ll discover how to coach your clients to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">escape these rules<\/span>&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;so they are free to move toward their goals\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;faster and more efficiently than ever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Take one of my favorite clients\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;who came to her session one day&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;upset because she wasn\u2019t making progress toward her goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She told me she didn\u2019t have time\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;because her husband and kids were not picking up after themselves in the kitchen\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;and the house was a mess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She was so angry\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;that she couldn\u2019t see her options.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>I had to agree with her\u2026<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;that her family was breaking the rules\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>&#8230;but they were HER rules.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A quick sample:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>a rule about how <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">everyone in the family needed to keep the home neat and tidy<\/span> (which would fit nicely in the <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">\u201cPerfectionist\u201d rule category<\/span>)<\/li><li>a rule that she had to control her family&#8217;s activities in the house (which was a pretty <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">\u201cReactive\u201d rule<\/span>)<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>I had to help my client understand that this whole situation was just <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">a game she was playing<\/span>\u2026<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;and that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">the rules of the game set her up to lose PERPETUALLY<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cBut Colette, how can you tell her she\u2019s playing a GAME? She\u2019ll be offended!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Let me clarify:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I don\u2019t mean \u2018game\u2019 in the malicious sense of the word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Every game has a variety of aspects:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Goals<\/li><li>Players<\/li><li>Rules<\/li><li>Boundaries<\/li><li>Strategies<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;and we could go on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Regardless of how these aspects are defined\u2026 <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">they are present in every game<\/span>.<strong>In these same respects, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your client\u2019s life is just like a game<\/span>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-style-default\"><a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/game-of-life.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"752\" src=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/game-of-life-1024x752.jpg\" alt=\"board game\" class=\"wp-image-27016\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/game-of-life-1024x752.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/game-of-life-300x220.jpg 300w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/game-of-life-768x564.jpg 768w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/game-of-life-640x470.jpg 640w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/game-of-life.jpg 1409w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Your client <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">plays the game of life<\/span> every day.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Doesn\u2019t their life have goals, and boundaries, other \u2018players\u2019, etc.?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>The goal of their \u2018life\u2019 game might be to \u2018feel happy\u2019, or \u2018make a difference\u2019 or \u2018succeed\u2019.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Regardless of the goal of the game\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>&#8230;your client also has RULES of their \u2018life\u2019 game.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>RULES about what should be allowed\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>RULES about what needs to happen for your client to feel a certain way.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Every client you\u2019ll ever work with<\/span> has these \u2018rules\u2019.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Anyway, back to MY client : &#8211; )<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong><em>My client was giving away her power to achieve the goals in her \u2018game\u2019 (i.e. her life)&#8230;<\/em><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>&#8230;because of <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">the rules of her \u2018game\u2019<\/span>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>And, although I\u2019m sure she learned many of these rules from somewhere\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong><em>Other people<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li><strong><em>Media \/ stories<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li><strong><em>Life events<\/em><\/strong><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>&#8230;at some point, SHE had to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">adopt those rules<\/span>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>These rules <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">became HER rules for HER game<\/span> (i.e. HER life).<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>Make sense?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>THIS is exactly what I explained to my client.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>And then I told her, \u201cWhen you complain to me about your messy house, I\u2019m <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">hearing all your rules<\/span>.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201c&#8230;and, as a result, you\u2019re wasting time feeling angry\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>&#8230;instead of working on your goals.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cMaybe you won\u2019t manage to keep your home neat and tidy at all times\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>&#8230;especially considering that your family has their own agenda\u2026<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>&#8230;and <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">their own rules<\/span>.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cWhat do I DO?\u201d, she cried.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cThere are <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">only 3 steps<\/span> to transform this,\u201d I assured her.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>\u201cAnd you\u2019re already past the first step.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-style-default\"><a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/rule-escape-logo.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"576\" src=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/rule-escape-logo-1024x576.jpg\" alt=\"Pyramid w\/ escape rules\" class=\"wp-image-27017\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/rule-escape-logo-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/rule-escape-logo-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/rule-escape-logo-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/rule-escape-logo-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/rule-escape-logo-640x360.jpg 640w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/rule-escape-logo.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then I continued to take her through&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The 3 Step Process to Help Clients Escape Their Limiting Rules:<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>STEP ONE: Identify the disempowering rule<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The first step in changing a rule is <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">awareness<\/span>, but it\u2019s often hard for clients to admit their ridiculous rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sometimes you can help your client identify <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">which category of rule<\/span> is interfering with their progress\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>VALUE RULES<\/li><li>RULES OF ENGAGEMENT<\/li><li>IDENTITY RULES<\/li><li>TRIGGER RULES<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You may even want to share <a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/3-coaching-questions-that-uncover-bad-rules\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>all these possible rule categories<\/strong><\/a>, and let your client decide which category describes their offending rule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Is one of their rules <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">keeping them from feeling how they want<\/span> (a Value Rule)?<\/li><li>Does one of their rules <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">trigger a negative emotion<\/span> (a Trigger Rule)?<\/li><li>Is their identity and <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">self-worth dependent on an external source<\/span> (a sign of an Identity Rule)?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>STEP TWO: Unravel the rule<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The goal in this step is <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">not to \u2018destroy\u2019 your client\u2019s rule<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>The goal in this step is <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">not to \u2018destroy\u2019 your client\u2019s rule<\/span>.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your client might object intensely to that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Let them keep their rule.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Instead, the outcome here is to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">gently \u2018unravel\u2019 the hold this rule has on your client<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Your client has likely gotten \u2018tangled up\u2019 in this particular rule&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;and if they were only to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">unravel<\/span> that mess&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;they\u2019d be free from the limitation of that rule <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">without feeling deprived or judged in the process<\/span>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">To support the process of unraveling your client\u2019s rule, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">help them to discover the weaknesses of that rule<\/span>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>WEAKNESS ONE &#8211; <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">FALSE<\/span> OR <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">NONSENSICAL<\/span> RULES:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you can show your client <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">how their rule makes no sense (or it\u2019s obviously false)<\/span> then that rule will start to unravel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some questions you might ask to point out \u2018rule nonsense\u2019 include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong><em>\u201cDo you think this rule is too <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">idealistic<\/span>?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li><strong><em>\u201cCan you think of a time when you succeeded <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">despite not following that rule<\/span>?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li><strong><em>\u201cHow is that rule unreasonable, unrealistic, or unattainable?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li><strong><em>\u201cDoes that rule <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">apply to everyone<\/span> who is successful?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li><strong><em>\u201cIsn\u2019t that rule just <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">impossible<\/span> \/ <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">unachievable<\/span>?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>WEAKNESS TWO &#8211; RULE <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">CONSEQUENCES<\/span>:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you can help your client see how their rule\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>causes suffering<\/li><li>withholds joy or fulfillment<\/li><li>causes otherwise bad consequences<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;then they\u2019ll start to unravel that rule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some questions you might ask to point out \u2018rule consequences\u2019 include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>\u201cDoes this rule cause you to be <\/strong><strong>hypersensitive<\/strong><strong> or <\/strong><strong>reactive<\/strong><strong>?\u201d<\/strong><\/li><li><strong>\u201cWhat would be possible if that rule didn\u2019t exist?\u201d<\/strong><\/li><li><strong>\u201cWhat kind of <\/strong><strong>pain<\/strong><strong> does that rule cause? How much <\/strong><strong>suffering would you escape<\/strong><strong> if you didn\u2019t have that rule?\u201d<\/strong><\/li><li><strong>\u201cWhat will be the <\/strong><strong>future consequences you\u2019ll experience<\/strong><strong> if you continue to live by that rule?\u201d<\/strong><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-media-text alignwide has-media-on-the-right is-stacked-on-mobile\" style=\"grid-template-columns:auto 48%\"><figure class=\"wp-block-media-text__media\"><a href=\"https:\/\/quickstartcoachingcode.com\/webinar\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"500\" src=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Resources-Start-Coaching-In-30-Days-2-1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-25564 size-full\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Resources-Start-Coaching-In-30-Days-2-1.jpg 800w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Resources-Start-Coaching-In-30-Days-2-1-300x188.jpg 300w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Resources-Start-Coaching-In-30-Days-2-1-768x480.jpg 768w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Resources-Start-Coaching-In-30-Days-2-1-640x400.jpg 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/a><\/figure><div class=\"wp-block-media-text__content\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>(NOTE: If you want to learn how to start your own coaching business, then <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/quickstartcoachingcode.com\/webinar\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">check out this webinar<\/a><\/strong>, called <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/quickstartcoachingcode.com\/webinar\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">&#8220;How to Start Your Coaching Business in 30 Days<\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/quickstartcoachingcode.com\/webinar\">&#8220;<\/a><\/strong> \u00a0During the webinar, I\u2019ll cover how to get your first paid clients fast and make it feel natural for you. <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/quickstartcoachingcode.com\/webinar\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Click HERE now<\/a><\/strong> to <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/quickstartcoachingcode.com\/webinar\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">attend the webinar<\/a><\/strong>.)<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>STEP THREE: Create a new (and more empowering) rule<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Once you\u2019ve unraveled the old rule there\u2019s a vacuum that your client can fill with a new empowering rule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The new empowering rule should:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Eliminate or reduce the suffering that the old rule caused.<\/li><li>Make life easier for your client (without compromising their standards).<\/li><li>Support important exceptions to the old rule.<\/li><li>Be more flexible (which should create more flexibility in your client\u2019s life).<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A few questions that could provoke a new set of rules:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong><em>\u201cWhat aspect of your old rule do you need to let go of?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li><strong><em>\u201cWhat could you choose to believe instead?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><li><strong><em>\u201cHow can you give yourself what you need NOW, instead of waiting for your circumstances to change?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Once your client has answered a few questions like these, the new rule should begin to emerge in the coaching conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After I used this tool with my client\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>&#8230;she sighed deeply with relief.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She realized that she was trying to control everything\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;except her own perspective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It was exhausting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Those rules were robbing her of her energy\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Those rules were stealing away her time&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Those rules were killing her goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Together we created new rules that made it <\/strong><strong>easier to succeed<\/strong><strong>\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>&#8230;and <\/strong><strong>harder to fail<\/strong><strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She let go of rigid rules about what she needed to do\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;to be a good wife\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;and a good mother.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Suddenly she was free to be herself\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;to reach for her own dreams\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;without having to be perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Why does this strategy work so well?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Because the key to helping your clients achieve their goals is\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;to inspire them to keep taking action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;to help them avoid pitfalls when possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;to pick them up and dust them off when they fall down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p>Because the key to helping your clients achieve their goals is\u2026to inspire them to keep taking action&#8230;to help them avoid pitfalls when possible&#8230;to pick them up and dust them off when they fall down.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some of your client\u2019s rules hold them back\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;like a teenager who is driving with the parking brake on&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;using fuel\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;and burning up the tires\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;without knowing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The biggest problem?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Just like a teenager confronted with their error\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;your client isn\u2019t ready to hear you\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;especially when they are wrapped up in their story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>That\u2019s because <\/strong><strong>they see their current reality<\/strong><strong>\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>&#8230;through the <\/strong><strong>lens of their rules<\/strong><strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Once you help them see the rule\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;they can remove that lens&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;and you can easily lead them into clarity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Then, instead of arguing with you\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;they\u2019ll move out of their pain\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8230;and find some freedom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">(&#8230;and they\u2019ll probably think you\u2019re the best coach ever!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Colette &#8220;Unraveling Rules&#8221; Coiner<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignleft size-large is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/bio-circles-jeffrey-t-sooey2.001.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/bio-circles-jeffrey-t-sooey2.001.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-26167\" width=\"209\" height=\"207\" srcset=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/bio-circles-jeffrey-t-sooey2.001.png 682w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/bio-circles-jeffrey-t-sooey2.001-300x298.png 300w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/bio-circles-jeffrey-t-sooey2.001-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/bio-circles-jeffrey-t-sooey2.001-640x635.png 640w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 209px) 100vw, 209px\" \/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/bio\/colette-seymann\/\">Dr. Colette Coiner, PCC, PT, DPT, FAAOMPT<\/a><\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-medium-font-size wp-block-paragraph\">Associate Dean, <strong><a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/mastercoachuniversity.com\/about\/\" target=\"_blank\">Master Coach University<\/a><\/strong><br><strong><a href=\"mailto:drcolettecoiner@coachestrainingblog.com\">drcolettecoiner@coachestrainingblog.com<\/a><\/strong><br><strong>858-232-3739<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-social-links has-large-icon-size is-style-logos-only is-layout-flex wp-block-social-links-is-layout-flex\"><li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-facebook wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/colette.seymann\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M12 2C6.5 2 2 6.5 2 12c0 5 3.7 9.1 8.4 9.9v-7H7.9V12h2.5V9.8c0-2.5 1.5-3.9 3.8-3.9 1.1 0 2.2.2 2.2.2v2.5h-1.3c-1.2 0-1.6.8-1.6 1.6V12h2.8l-.4 2.9h-2.3v7C18.3 21.1 22 17 22 12c0-5.5-4.5-10-10-10z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">Facebook<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n\n<li class=\"wp-social-link wp-social-link-youtube wp-block-social-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/MasterCoachUniversity\" class=\"wp-block-social-link-anchor\"><svg width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M21.8,8.001c0,0-0.195-1.378-0.795-1.985c-0.76-0.797-1.613-0.801-2.004-0.847c-2.799-0.202-6.997-0.202-6.997-0.202 h-0.009c0,0-4.198,0-6.997,0.202C4.608,5.216,3.756,5.22,2.995,6.016C2.395,6.623,2.2,8.001,2.2,8.001S2,9.62,2,11.238v1.517 c0,1.618,0.2,3.237,0.2,3.237s0.195,1.378,0.795,1.985c0.761,0.797,1.76,0.771,2.205,0.855c1.6,0.153,6.8,0.201,6.8,0.201 s4.203-0.006,7.001-0.209c0.391-0.047,1.243-0.051,2.004-0.847c0.6-0.607,0.795-1.985,0.795-1.985s0.2-1.618,0.2-3.237v-1.517 C22,9.62,21.8,8.001,21.8,8.001z M9.935,14.594l-0.001-5.62l5.404,2.82L9.935,14.594z\"><\/path><\/svg><span class=\"wp-block-social-link-label screen-reader-text\">YouTube<\/span><\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Last week we talked about the \u2018rules\u2019 that run your clients&#8217; life\u2026Remember THIS? This week you\u2019ll discover how to coach your clients to escape these rules&#8230; &#8230;so they are free to move toward their goals\u2026 &#8230;faster and more efficiently than ever. Take one of my favorite clients\u2026 &#8230;who came to her session one day&#8230; &#8230;upset [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":27016,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[8,224],"tags":[822,1008],"class_list":["post-27028","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-become-a-life-coach","category-inner-game-coaching","tag-become-a-life-coach","tag-inner-game-coaching","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/game-of-life.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27028","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27028"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27028\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":27179,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27028\/revisions\/27179"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27028"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27028"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27028"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}