{"id":26623,"date":"2021-09-14T15:16:09","date_gmt":"2021-09-14T23:16:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/?p=26623"},"modified":"2022-01-23T18:57:40","modified_gmt":"2022-01-24T02:57:40","slug":"changing-your-clients-reality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/changing-your-clients-reality\/","title":{"rendered":"Changing Your Client\u2019s Reality"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Last week I talked about the craziest coaching session ever<\/strong><\/a>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…And my client who was dealing with his Russian mail-order bride who hired a hitman to kill him…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…and how I couldn\u2019t get past my \u2018stuff\u2019 about that\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…which taught me that I can\u2019t coach my client if I get caught up in their issues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what about your client\u2019s<\/span> \u2018stuff\u2019?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you get YOUR CLIENTS past THEIR story so THEY can transform?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do you get YOUR CLIENTS past THEIR story so THEY can transform?”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

For example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I just ran a session with a client who was really angry with her ex-husband\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…he had changed the custody schedule to fit his work schedule\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

…without asking her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she complained to him\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He said, \u201cWell, just look at the custody decree you signed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So now I\u2019m listening to her tirade\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI hate my ex-\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHe\u2019s a deadbeat dad.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAND I\u2019m not going to talk to him at our daughter\u2019s wedding.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What would YOU do at this point in the session?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
  1. Agree with her?<\/li>
  2. Argue with her?<\/li>
  3. Console her?<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Here\u2019s what I told her\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYou\u2019re telling a story about your ex-husband as if it\u2019s real.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cBUT it\u2019s not real.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cYour thoughts aren\u2019t reality.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cBut you\u2019re acting like they ARE real\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201c…and therefore this story becomes real for you.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \"Fact<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

    At first she fought about it (her emotions were caught up with her story)…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    …but after she had a chance to unpack all her feelings\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I guided her to separate the FACTS from her FANTASY.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    ME:<\/strong> \u201cA \u2018fact\u2019 is something that would hold up in a court of law. Something everyone agrees with.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cSo, what are the actual facts about your ex-husband?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    CLIENT:<\/strong> \u201cMy husband changed some dates.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cHe told me to look at the custody decree.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Then I explained that a \u2018story\u2019 is made up of thoughts, ideas, and meanings\u2026that are often confused with facts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    ME: <\/strong>\u201cSo what did you just tell me that is more of a \u2018story\u2019 than a fact?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    CLIENT:<\/strong> \u201cHe\u2019s a deadbeat dad.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cHe doesn\u2019t care about our son.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI\u2019ve also been telling myself that I don\u2019t have any power in this situation.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    ME:<\/strong> \u201cCan you accept that those are just thoughts, ideas, and meanings\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201c…rather than facts?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    CLIENT:<\/strong> \u201cYeah, I guess so,\u201d<\/em> she said reluctantly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    ME:<\/strong> \u201cWhat could you CHOOSE to think instead?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    She changed her entire demeanor in her answer…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    CLIENT:<\/strong> \u201cThe last 3 weeks I have been doing the lion\u2019s share of childcare for my son\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201c…because of my ex-husband\u2019s crazy work schedule.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI\u2019m just exhausted.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \"How<\/a><\/figure>
    \n

    (NOTE: If you\u2019ve been waiting to start your coaching business, or were wondering if you can do it profitably, then you need to watch this video<\/a><\/strong>. In the video, I\u2019ll explain how to How to Build a Profitable Coaching Business in 30 Days<\/a><\/strong>. Click HERE now<\/a><\/strong> to watch the video<\/a><\/strong>.)<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

    ME:<\/strong> \u201cAnd what could you choose to think about your ex-husband?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    CLIENT:<\/strong> \u201cHe\u2019s probably exhausted too.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    ME:<\/strong> \u201cSo you can feel empathy for him\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    …because it sounds like you\u2019re both in the same boat.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    CLIENT: <\/strong>\u201cYeah I really do see that now.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cSo, what should I do?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    ME:<\/strong> \u201cWhat would you do based on those new thoughts you just shared with me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    CLIENT:<\/strong> \u201cI could be vulnerable, let him know that I\u2019m tired and that I need his help.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI can also tell him that I know he\u2019s tired, too, and I want to support him in his career as well\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \u201cI\u2019ll ask him how we can work it out together in a way that we support each other.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    What\u2019s more\u2026 I just heard from her yesterday…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Together she and her ex-husband modified their schedules to fit both of their needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Which was exponentially better for her and her son…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    …and her ex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Here’s what I did that made the difference in that coaching session\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The Drama Cleanse Technique<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

    You can use this approach whenever you find your client falling into drama, a story, or judgment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. Absorb the upsets\u2026 listen to your client\u2019s drama:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n