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<\/a>…but I\u2019ll get to that in a moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you want to save someone from drowning, you can’t jump into the water with them<\/em>…<\/p>\n\n\n\n …or you will both go under.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s the same when you’re trying to coach someone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you “jump into the water” with your client…<\/p>\n\n\n\n you lose the ability to be objective enough to help them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yet we do it all the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was a free coaching session I ran for a 70 year old man…<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I dove head first into the water with him…<\/p>\n\n\n\n He was ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’.<\/p>\n\n\n\n (That was my thought at least\u2026)<\/p>\n\n\n\n And as I tried to remain objective…<\/p>\n\n\n\n …he told me one of the craziest stories I’d ever heard in a free session.<\/p>\n\n\n\n …after discovering that she was about to hire a hitman to kill him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ll spare you the gory details\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bottom line… he was afraid for his life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So while his wife was visiting her family in Russia…<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2026he contacted the authorities and she was not allowed to return to the U.S.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What a relief…<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThis sounds like something from James Bond.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n What kind of man orders his wife through the MAIL??\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n \u201cHe\u2019s a well educated, successful businessman\u2026 how can he be so stupid?\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHe should know better.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n But that was only the beginning…<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now he was in the process of trying to find another mail order bride…<\/p>\n\n\n\n This time from Thailand…<\/p>\n\n\n\n Someone in her 20’s\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n His adult children were trying to stop him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Damn straight,”<\/em><\/strong> I thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And now he wanted my help?<\/p>\n\n\n\n For what, I don’t know…<\/p>\n\n\n\n …because I got so caught up in his story that I couldn\u2019t think straight.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I got so caught up in his story that I couldn\u2019t think straight.<\/strong>“<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n I had jumped into the water\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n …my thoughts were swirling around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n …and I was drowning in drama<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n …instead of discovering the mindset that drove his actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was a deer in the headlights\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n …and I sat there\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n Frozen\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n …not making any real difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I asked him a few token questions…<\/p>\n\n\n\n …like \u201cwhat are you going to do?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n He decided not to let his family get in the way of his marriage strategy\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n …resolving to no longer worry about his family\u2019s judgements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So I guess he did get some value…<\/p>\n\n\n\n But not because of anything I did\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n As Steve Chandler has shared<\/a><\/strong>, even a lousy coach provides value, just like a lamppost can be valuable in a coaching role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How does the lamppost stand in for a coach?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s suppose that your coaching client went out to a lamppost at night and talked about his problems, hopes, and dreams\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n (NOTE: If you\u2019ve been asking questions about ICF Certification lately, then you need to attend this webinar<\/strong><\/a>, called \u201cICF<\/a><\/strong> Credentialing & Coach Certification<\/strong><\/a>\u201d. During the webinar, I\u2019ll cover how you can gain an ICF Credential in a matter of months. Click HERE now to attend the webinar<\/strong><\/a>.)<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n Even though the lamppost doesn’t ask any questions, or provide strategies…<\/p>\n\n\n\n The client can\u2019t help but glean some insights, ideas, and solutions from his \u201cconversation with the lamppost\u201d.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Point being\u2026 In this session, I wouldn\u2019t say I was any better than the lamppost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I should have been more curious\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n I could have coached him to\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n …reinvent his relationships with his family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n …identify his key limiting beliefs when it comes to relationships with women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n …transform his dating strategy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because it’s not your job to fix your client<\/em>… It’s your job to empower them<\/em>…”<\/p>Dr. Colette Coiner, PCC<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n I could\u2019ve discovered his needs and what he really wanted\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n But I didn\u2019t do any of those things.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n And as a result\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n He didn\u2019t enroll into coaching with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And he didn\u2019t really transform his life at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I FAILED him because I was too busy wrapping my head around the story\u2026<\/strong> I FAILED him because I was too busy wrapping my head around the story\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n …reacting to a drama that I didn\u2019t want to understand.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n So, how do you avoid this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are 2 pitfalls that every coach must navigate in order to stay above client drama.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pitfall #1: Getting caught up in your client\u2019s stuff\u2026<\/strong> buying into their beliefs and their story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pitfall #2: Getting caught up in your own stuff about their stuff.<\/strong> Buying into your own beliefs and story about their beliefs and story (Which is just judgement).<\/p>\n\n\n\n You need to avoid these pitfalls if you are going to coach your client at 100%.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here’s what to do when you find yourself falling into drama, a story, or judgement that might limit your coaching conversations:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Later, during coaching sessions with this client\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n And, if you must bring up your own story or judgements, qualify them as such…<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is just my judgement\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p> This is just my story…\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p> This is just my opinion\u2026\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n Clients come up with stories about what stopped them from achieving their goals all the time…<\/p>\n\n\n\n …and we nod our head in agreement<\/em>…<\/p>\n\n\n\n …as if those stories are fact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n OR<\/p>\n\n\n\n We enable their limiting beliefs in the name of empathy.<\/em>“<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n We enable their limiting beliefs in the name of empathy<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n STOP IT!<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you can listen to your client from a non-judgmental space\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n …they feel heard\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n …and this alone can change your client\u2019s life<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n THAT will allow you to coach anyone you choose…<\/p>\n\n\n\n …even the ‘uncoachable’ client.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because it’s not your job to fix your client<\/em>…<\/p>\n\n\n\n It’s your job to empower them<\/em>…<\/p>\n\n\n\n Colette “Everyone’s Coachable” Coiner<\/p>\n\n\n\nLike in this crazy coaching session\u2026<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
He was recently divorced from a Russian mail order bride\u2026<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/a>But the whole time he\u2019s telling me this story, I\u2019m thinking\u2026<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
“They’re trying to keep him from getting killed.”<\/em><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
But, mostly I just listened to him, dumbstruck.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
You could\u2019ve replaced me with a lamppost!<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/figure>How could I have done better?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
…reacting to a drama that I didn\u2019t want to understand.<\/strong>“<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nHere\u2019s How to Avoid Getting Caught up in a Client\u2019s Drama<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\nSet these judgements aside while coaching your client.<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n