{"id":20566,"date":"2017-09-06T17:25:40","date_gmt":"2017-09-07T01:25:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/?p=20566"},"modified":"2017-09-07T23:22:31","modified_gmt":"2017-09-08T07:22:31","slug":"weird-success-coaching-process-for-performance-issues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/weird-success-coaching-process-for-performance-issues\/","title":{"rendered":"The Weird Little Success Coaching Process For &#8220;Performance Issues&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Do you have a <strong>success coaching process<\/strong> that you use for clients that want better performance?<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/bhvR6gvkn-A?rel=0\" width=\"840\" height=\"472.5\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>In my practice I work with lots of business and professional clients that are driven to succeed, compete, and break through to the next level of performance. \u00a0They struggle with things like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>staying focused and motivated<\/li>\n<li>performing under pressure<\/li>\n<li>staying confident<\/li>\n<li>letting their creativity and charisma flow<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Below (and in the video) I\u2019m going to share a weird little <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">success coaching process<\/span> that I recently used for a client that was coping with performance issues that she raved about as a major paradigm shift for her. \u00a0Check out the video right here (and you\u2019ll see the full transcript and notes below in this article):<\/p>\n<p>I call this <a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/success-coaching-secrets-time-management-coaching-for-success\/\"><strong>success coaching<\/strong><\/a> process the \u201cattachment awareness process.\u201d \u00a0We\u2019ll also talk about:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>where <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">attachment<\/span> limits your client\u2019s success<\/li>\n<li>the kind of results your client gets from the attachment awareness process<\/li>\n<li>the most common <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">coaching myths and misconceptions<\/span> around attachment<\/li>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?url=https%3A\/\/api.soundcloud.com\/tracks\/341433403&amp;color=%23ff5500&amp;auto_play=false&amp;hide_related=false&amp;show_comments=true&amp;show_user=true&amp;show_reposts=false\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>My Coaching Client\u2019s \u201cPerformance Anxiety\u201d<\/h2>\n<p>01:05 \u00a0I recently used the attachment awareness approach, and it was in a coaching session that happened last week with a client of mine. \u00a0She was worried about the webinar she was about to do \u00a0that evening (we were doing our session in the middle of the day) and she couldn\u2019t even be a 100% present with me in her coaching session (She couldn\u2019t be totally focused.).<\/p>\n<p>I told her,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Notice how attached you are.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>She stopped and she thought about it&#8230; and didn\u2019t really respond.<\/p>\n<p>So then I asked her, \u201cWhat are you attached about that has to do with the webinar?\u201d&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;and she gave me a list of things.<\/p>\n<p>01:53 \u00a0She said, \u201cI am attached about the webinar going well, and attached about the tech working out okay, and attached about people responding to me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It was a &#8220;laundry list&#8221; of things that she was pretty attached to. \u00a0She probably didn&#8217;t use those exact words. \u00a0She probably said something like, \u201cI was concerned about it, or I\u2019m anxious about it, or I\u2019m worried about it,\u201d &#8230;something like that.<\/p>\n<p>I wanted to shift the focus to the attachment she had to the way she wanted her webinar to go, so I told her,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Look, you\u2019re just attached to all that stuff. You\u2019re attached. Be aware of your attachment.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>02:35 \u00a0What\u2019s interesting about this client? \u00a0She was a performance artist in a previous life.<\/p>\n<p>I talked to her about this and used that as an example, asking her, \u201cYou know when you performed in the past as an artist, had you ever had a time when you would perform perfectly?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She said, \u201cOh, yeah. \u00a0I had plenty of times where I performed perfectly.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said to her,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>During those performances, you weren\u2019t attached. \u00a0You just flowed. \u00a0You didn\u2019t think about how it was going to go. \u00a0You weren\u2019t worrying about that stuff. You had no attachment (or whatever attachments you had, they weren\u2019t stopping you from your performance). \u00a0This webinar, for you, it\u2019s the same. \u00a0It\u2019s a performance that will be diminished by your attachment if you let it diminish you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>03:29 \u00a0Then I gave her some straight coaching.<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cWhen you\u2019re done with this session today, what I want you to do as you&#8217;re preparing for the webinar, is just keep being aware and notice your attachment. \u00a0Just keep looking for and be aware of when your attachment comes up and how it impacts you, and then just acknowledge it.<\/p>\n<p>As soon as you see that you\u2019re attached, just acknowledge it and say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m attached. \u00a0I\u2019m attached to this. I\u2019m attached to that,\u201d and then just repeat that:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>When you\u2019re preparing for the webinar<\/li>\n<li>as you\u2019re starting the webinar<\/li>\n<li>throughout the entire webinar<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&#8230;just notice how attached you are to all the things happening the way you want it to happen in the webinar.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>04:11 \u00a0A few days later, she emailed me and said,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>This is a major paradigm shift for me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I don\u2019t know what other breakthroughs have happened for her as a result of this, but I can already tell she\u2019s raving about it&#8230; so I\u2019m excited to find out.<\/p>\n<h2>Where Does Attachment Limit Your Client\u2019s Success?<\/h2>\n<p>4.30 \u00a0Where does attachment limit your client\u2019s success? \u00a0Pretty much every area of their life.<\/p>\n<p>Think about it:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Relationship Attachments:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In your intimate relationship or in your client\u2019s intimate relationship, they could be overly attached and so they become needy in that relationship. \u00a0Or maybe they\u2019re attached to their partner being a certain way and they\u2019re so constantly complaining or upset about that. \u00a0In relationships with people there can be attachments about the relationship going a certain way, to having certain type of relationship with a certain individual, etc.<\/p>\n<p>05:11 \u00a0If your client<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>speaks in front of people<\/li>\n<li>connects with a group<\/li>\n<li>tries to climb the career ladder with their coworkers<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>And you find that they&#8217;re trying to impress certain people or look a certain way to people during that process.<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;they\u2019re probably attached, and that attachment, even if they have influence with those individuals, is probably going to reduce their performance and their ability to make a difference in that relationship&#8230; to show up the way your client would like to show up.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Money Attachments:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>05:38 \u00a0There are so many <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">money attachments<\/span>. \u00a0People get stuck in their career because they are attached to the money that comes from their current work, even though they\u2019re not really happy with that career.<\/p>\n<p>Your client might be afraid to make a certain investment decision because they are attached to the money involved, so they just hold on to their money as it diminishes through inflation.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Career Attachments:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>06:04 \u00a0There can be an attachment in your clients role in life, as a homemaker, or as a CEO, or as a coach! \u00a0If you have an attachment to that role, you might limit your growth in that role or the possibility of changing roles (so you can grow to a role that\u2019s at a higher level for you at this point in your career).<\/p>\n<p><strong>Performance Attachments:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>06:33 \u00a0There are many attachments when it comes to performance. \u00a0If you\u2019ve got to speak in front of a group or perform in a certain way (especially under pressure), if you\u2019re attached to things going a certain way, that\u2019s going to diminish your performance.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Health \/ Fitness Attachments:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>06:47 \u00a0In the area of health or fitness, you might have an attachment to food or a certain level of &#8220;comfort&#8221; that might have you rigid and inflexible in your ability to move to the next level in those areas&#8230; to make positive changes in your behavior (to change your habits).<\/p>\n<p>Pretty much every area of your client\u2019s life could be impacted by their attachments in that area.<\/p>\n<h2>How to Use The Attachment Awareness Process With Your Clients<\/h2>\n<p>7:10 \u00a0In the Attachment Awareness process, you\u2019re coaching your client to be aware of their attachment.<\/p>\n<p><strong>STEP ONE: \u00a0&#8220;NOTICE YOUR ATTACHMENT&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Start by telling your client, <em>\u201cNotice where you are attached, or notice what you are attached to in this area,\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Guide them in that awareness.<\/p>\n<p><strong>STEP TWO: \u00a0COACH THEM TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR ATTACHMENT<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>07:34 \u00a0Give them a second to be aware of that, and then <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">coach them to acknowledge it<\/span>. \u00a0Tell them, <em>\u201cFirst, I just want you to acknowledge that attachment.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>And by the way, they don\u2019t necessarily have to respond to that, but generally we can tell if our client is confirming or denying something.<\/p>\n<p>Just their silence may tell us a lot.<\/p>\n<p>Or they might say, \u201cYeah, you\u2019re right, I\u2019m attached.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>STEP THREE: \u00a0RINSE &amp; REPEAT (POST COACHING SESSION)<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Then just coach your client to <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">repeat that awareness<\/span> as often as they need after the session.<\/p>\n<p>That means especially during (or better yet, before) a moment where your client needs to let go of that attachment to remain unconstrained by those attachments<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s it!<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a pretty simple process.<\/p>\n<h2>The Kind of Results Your Client Gets From The Attachment Awareness Process<\/h2>\n<p>8:20 What are the results that your client gets from the attachment awareness process?<\/p>\n<p><strong>BENEFIT ONE: \u00a0LETTING GO<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>First, your client will tend to let go (at least temporarily) when they actually do this process for themselves.<\/p>\n<p>The attachment may come back over time, but at least they\u2019ll get a temporary reprieve from that attachment to let go of it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>BENEFIT TWO: \u00a0FEAR &#8220;DISAPPEARS&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As your client lets go, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">fear disappears<\/span>.<\/p>\n<p>Fear is really often the symptom of being attached to something (or your coaching client&#8217;s attachment to something being a certain way).<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Neediness disappears too<\/span>&#8230; and how often does fear or neediness get in the way of a client\u2019s ability to perform, especially in high-pressure situation?<\/p>\n<p><strong>BENEFIT THREE: \u00a0FLEXIBILITY AND POWER<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>09:13 Finally, your client creates the possibility of <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">flexibility and power<\/span> in that situation.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re attached&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re needy&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re worried about something&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;then you\u2019re probably not going to be very flexible.<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;there probably is a limit to the amount of power you can exude in that situation.<\/p>\n<p>As soon as that attachment disappears (or at least the attachment\u2019s impact on your client disappears), or they let go of that attachment, suddenly they\u2019re flexible.<\/p>\n<p>They can play with the moment.<\/p>\n<p>They can have power where they didn\u2019t before.<\/p>\n<h2>The Most Common Coaching Myths And Misconceptions Around \u2018Attachment\u2019<\/h2>\n<p>9:46 Finally, let\u2019s talk about the most common coaching myths and misconceptions around this thing that we\u2019re calling attachment.<\/p>\n<p><strong>MISCONCEPTION ONE: \u00a0YOU WANT YOUR CLIENT TO &#8220;DETACH&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This exercise, this process, it doesn\u2019t mean detach.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re not saying &#8220;attachment is bad&#8221;.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re not making attachment the enemy here and saying that your client should just be completely apathetic or detached from reality or detached from the results that they really do desire.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s not the point here.<\/p>\n<p>The point is <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">awareness<\/span>, not trying to crush or destroy attachment.<\/p>\n<p><strong>MISCONCEPTION TWO: \u00a0YOU&#8217;RE GOING TO MAKE YOUR CLIENT APATHETIC<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>10:24 \u00a0There are psychological misconceptions here.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a conversation that I\u2019ve heard around <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">fear versus apathy<\/span>.<\/p>\n<p>It suggest that if your client is afraid, then they detach, and then they\u2019re suddenly apathetic about things. \u00a0That\u2019s not necessarily the most empowering place to have them.<\/p>\n<p>Fear is when your client makes something more important than it really needs to be, and that is usually a result of attachment.<\/p>\n<p>The thought process is&#8230;<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I\u2019m so attached to this thing, I\u2019ve got a stranglehold on it because it\u2019s so important to me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>10:59 \u00a0Apathy is making something less important than it needs to be, which is almost always a lie.<\/p>\n<p>Usually, when your client is apathetic about something (and they brought it up to talk to you about in their coaching session with you, or it\u2019s an area that has an impact on them) the reason is that they actually have an attachment in that area.<\/p>\n<p>They probably really care about that area, but they failed to &#8216;win&#8217; in that area in the past.<\/p>\n<p>Maybe they\u2019ve had a sense of loss, or maybe it&#8217;s an area of pain for them. \u00a0So instead of taking that area on and deciding it\u2019s important to work on that area, they lie to themselves and act like they are apathetic about it, or they make up in their head that it really doesn\u2019t matter&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8230;just to get themselves out of the pain of loss.<\/p>\n<p>11:50 \u00a0Fear or apathy, those two extremes&#8230; <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">neither one of them is acceptable<\/span>. \u00a0The Attachment Awareness Process is not about making an apathetic client, and it&#8217;s not about getting your coaching client out of fear.<\/p>\n<p>The process is about\u00a0your client clarifying, realizing, and <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">being aware of the attachments that they have<\/span>, so that they can\u00a0find the greatest balance between making something as important as it really is and being motivated towards that, but also being flexible and powerful and fully committed in that process.<\/p>\n<p>Your client can\u2019t allow attachment to limit them while they\u2019re going through this growth process.<\/p>\n<p><strong>MISCONCEPTION THREE: \u00a0COMMITTED = MOTIVATED<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>12:28 \u00a0Sometimes a client will come to a session and they\u2019ll say, \u201cI\u2019m so committed to this that it has to happen. \u00a0I\u2019m going to do it or I\u2019m going to die.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>They\u2019re really, really intense about it.<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s not committed.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s great to be motivated, but chances are, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your client is actually attached, not committed<\/span>.<\/p>\n<p>Attached is like a weak addiction. \u00a0It\u2019s like crack cocaine for your client.<\/p>\n<p>Committed means that your client still &#8220;wants it&#8221;&#8230; it doesn\u2019t mean they have no desire. \u00a0It means that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">your client&#8217;s desire has not constrained their power<\/span> in fully moving forward with pursuit of their desire, leaving your client <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">unstoppable<\/span> in that process.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s powerful, it\u2019s flexible, and it\u2019s free, while your client moves towards success.<\/p>\n<p>I hope you took some great value out of this tutorial today. \u00a0What\u2019s your experience with attachment? \u00a0Do you have any attachments that you need to stay aware of? \u00a0Has &#8216;staying aware&#8217; worked for you?<\/p>\n<p>What about your clients? \u00a0What are they attached to? \u00a0What\u2019s your plan now that you\u2019ve read this tutorial?<\/p>\n<p>I love to hear your feedback so make sure you leave a comment with your thoughts or questions.<\/p>\n<p><b>Special Bonus<\/b>\u00a0\u2013\u00a0<i>Learn 3 simple ways to become a life coach with the<\/i><a href=\"http:\/\/www.coachestrainingblog.com\/sp.php?adsource=blogtext\">\u00a0<b><i>\u201c30-Days to Become a Coach\u201d video toolkit<\/i><\/b><\/a><i>\u00a0when you fill in the form at the top right and click the<\/i><a href=\"http:\/\/www.coachestrainingblog.com\/sp.php?adsource=blogtext\"><b><i>\u201cWatch The Videos Now\u201d<\/i><\/b><\/a><i>\u00a0button. You\u2019ll learn how to change your client\u2019s life in 45 minutes.<\/i><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/bio\/jeffrey-t-sooey\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b>Jeffrey T. Sooey<\/b><\/a><br \/>\nCEO, JTS Advisors<br \/>\nFounder, Coaches Training Blog community<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you have a success coaching process that you use for clients that want better performance? In my practice I work with lots of business and professional clients that are driven to succeed, compete, and break through to the next level of performance. \u00a0They struggle with things like: staying focused and motivated performing under pressure [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[214,1817],"tags":[998,1816],"class_list":["post-20566","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-success-coaching","category-success-coaching-process","tag-success-coaching","tag-success-coaching-process","entry"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20566","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20566"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20566\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20576,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20566\/revisions\/20576"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20566"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20566"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/coachestrainingblog.com\/becomeacoach\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20566"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}