A Relationship Coach Love Story: I Never Thought I Would Become a Relationship Coach When I Embarked on this Journey


Just because you become a relationship coach doesn’t mean you have to have your relationships all polished and clean.  In fact, tomorrow is my 10 year wedding anniversary.  And if you are a relationship coach who uses the DISC Assessments, you’ll understand that as a High Dominance/ Influencing woman I was not necessarily the ideal partner for my High Steadiness/ Compliance husband.  But at least as a relationship coach I can appreciate the differences and navigate most of the challenges.

DISC and Values Assessments Can Be Integral Tools if You Become a Relationship Coach

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If you become a relationship coach, DISC and Values Assessments can help you make lasting changes even in the first relationship coach session.  I once ran a family debrief where two families had merged when the parents married.  The two stepbrothers had very different natural behavioral styles.  As we looked at the graph I asked, “You guys don’t share a room by any chance.”  They did, and I was able to see the challenges they were facing with one boy having a High Compliance and the other a Low Compliance style.  The first had to have the room neat to be able to rest, and the other could care less.  It was a bit like the sitcom, “The Odd Couple” where two men drove each other crazy.  One was a slob and the other compulsively neat.

But, You Cannot Base Your Relationship Coach Practice Completely on Assessments

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Although there are some relationship coaches out there who would even go so far as to say my husband and I are not the best fit based on the DISC Assessments, I wouldn’t agree.  In fact, using the Values Assessments is a much better indicator of compatibility compared to behavioral style indicators such as the DISC.  I would caution anyone who decided to become a relationship coach who bases their coaching entirely on assessments.  The stats show that if a couple doesn’t share two of their three top values their chances of surviving long term are low.  I was relieved to see that we shared two of our top three values, yet I coached one couple whose values were completely different.  As a relationship coach I thought they were doomed, yet within two sessions they were back on track and lovey-dovey all over again.  Make sure if you become a relationship coach you don’t close your eyes to possibilities.

So is this relationship coach love story like a fairy tale?  I would be lying if I said it was.  I sincerely believe, however, that struggling to work through our natural behavioral styles has allowed us to become better friends, and for me a better coach.  And in fact, my husband and I have more in common than ever.  He’s not going to become a relationship coach any time soon, but he did start blogging!

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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