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Relationship Coach Mysteries Solved: What Men Want

June 22, 2010 By Leave a Comment

A relationship coach helps you find the inner girl ©tibchrisOne of the greatest relationship coach mysteries is understanding what the other person wants.  The key is to help your clients realize what they want most is not necessarily what their partner wants.  Most relationship problems can be transformed by solving this mystery alone.

Where A Relationship Coach Is Needed Most



According to Helen Andelin, author of “Fascinating Womanhood,” women appreciate poise, talent and intellectual wit (www.FascinatingWomanhood.net).  They dress in a sophisticated manner and wear artistic make-up.   They spend $200 on a pair of shoes only their girlfriends will admire.  Many of these women completely miss the boat when it comes to what men really want.  They need a coach, not a girlfriend who will support them.

What Do Men Really Want?



Men have a different interpretation of what makes a woman beautiful.  My husband doesn’t care for make-up, and according to Andelin he is not a minority.  She says that men place more importance on smiles and a sparkle in a woman’s eyes.   Someone once told me, “There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who is happy.”  Is it because of a more girlish, sweetness of character; or is it simply because she is expressing her femininity?   If you want to experience femininity in its purest form, watch a little girl twirl in front of a mirror in a new dress.

Whether you agree with everything Helen has to say, she does make a good point.  How do you use this in as a relationship coach?  Encourage your clients to express their feminine side.  Have you ever asked your relationship coaching clients when the last time they wore a dress on a date with their husband was?  When your women clients are able to express their femininity, they allow their husbands/boyfriends to express their masculinity.  This is a sure fire way to rekindle some old sparks from the dying embers.

By the way… you’re invited to claim your FREE step-by-step “Life Coach Salary Secrets” video toolkit.  Just go HERE now to get your Life Coach Salary Secrets.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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Relationship Coach Questions: What Does it Take to Connect?

May 29, 2010 By Leave a Comment

A relationship coach help couples to reconnect with each other©seanmcgrathBy the time most people hire a relationship coach, they are at odds with each other.  You might be the last stop before the divorce attorney.  If you have already become a coach who has stepped up to the plate in your own marriage, odds are better that you will be able to make a difference.

A Relationship Coach Tale of Two Cities

When a couple isn’t connecting, it’s because they are not getting their needs met in the relationship.  For example sometimes both people are trying to get significance, when both want love and connection.  How does it look?  The emotional vehicle for significance is anger, which will serve to drive the other person away.  It doesn’t take long for a little annoyance to escalate into an argument or a day of the ‘cold shoulder’ treatment.

What Does It Take To Connect?

It takes one person to decide to make a difference.  When someone is trying to get their emotional need for significance met, giving him or her significance will quickly begin to diffuse the situation.  What does giving someone significance look like?  Finding a heartfelt way to acknowledge the other person and his or her strengths.   I had a client who was very busy and her husband was feeling less than important.  She brought home a gardening project, and her husband made a snide comment about her ability to do it properly.  He was annoyed at being put last again.  He wanted significance.  Instead of giving him the cold shoulder, she asked for his help.  They were able to connect and enjoy the rest of the day together.

When you become a relationship coach who teaches your clients how to meet their partner’s needs, you empower them.  When one person is willing to put the other person’s needs above their own and truly be there for the other person, it heals and creates opportunities for their partner to reciprocate.

Give this strategy a try and see for yourself that it works.   If you liked this coaching tip, leave a comment or use the handy bookmark buttons below to share it with others on Facebook, Twitter, Digg, etc. Thanks!

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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The Relationship Coach Magic Potion: A Simple Strategy That Will Transform Lives

May 27, 2010 By Leave a Comment

relationship coach tips to change your client's livesThere are a lot of relationship coach theories and technologies, but there is one strategy that is so simple that people often won’t do it until they are desperate.  That is, when the relationship is so damaged that their only hope is that you can coach them to success.  And your clients will start seeing results in less than 10 days.  So what do they have to loose?

Most People Are In a Relationship for the Wrong Reason

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That’s right.  Most people are in a relationship for the wrong reason.  They are in it to get their own needs met.  An analogy is that both people come to the table with their own bowl.  But they keep it high above their head so the other person can’t see what the contents are.  Once the relationship gets to a certain point, both people discover that the other’s bowl is empty.  Neither has anything to give.  Both go hungry, and their needs are not fulfilled.

The Relationship Coach Challenge is to Get Someone to Drink the Magic Potion

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The cure is for one person to take action.  Why not both?  Most people would rather wait for the other person to take action first.  Someone has to decide to go first.  The Magic Potion is that the leader must find out what needs the other person is not currently getting met in the relationship and learn how to meet those needs for the other person.  The trick is to get them to do it without any type of expectations of reciprocation for 10 days.  After 10 days they will start seeing results, which will give them motivation to continue for 30 days.  After 30 days it will start becoming a habit, and you will support them in continuing until the 90 day mark.  By 90 days, there will be so much positive reinforcement that they can sustain this lifestyle indefinitely.

Who would sign up for this?  The key is for you as the relationship coach to get enough emotional leverage to make this potion seem palatable long enough to start seeing results.  The strategy is simple, but not easy.  But when you can make this type of difference in a couple’s life, they will feel the experience is truly priceless.

By the way… you’re invited to claim your FREE step-by-step “30-Days to Become a Coach” video toolkit.  Just go HERE now to get your 30-day coaching blueprint videos.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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A Relationship Coach Love Story: I Never Thought I Would Become a Relationship Coach When I Embarked on this Journey

April 3, 2010 By 2 Comments

Just because you become a relationship coach doesn’t mean you have to have your relationships all polished and clean.  In fact, tomorrow is my 10 year wedding anniversary.  And if you are a relationship coach who uses the DISC Assessments, you’ll understand that as a High Dominance/ Influencing woman I was not necessarily the ideal partner for my High Steadiness/ Compliance husband.  But at least as a relationship coach I can appreciate the differences and navigate most of the challenges.

DISC and Values Assessments Can Be Integral Tools if You Become a Relationship Coach

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If you become a relationship coach, DISC and Values Assessments can help you make lasting changes even in the first relationship coach session.  I once ran a family debrief where two families had merged when the parents married.  The two stepbrothers had very different natural behavioral styles.  As we looked at the graph I asked, “You guys don’t share a room by any chance.”  They did, and I was able to see the challenges they were facing with one boy having a High Compliance and the other a Low Compliance style.  The first had to have the room neat to be able to rest, and the other could care less.  It was a bit like the sitcom, “The Odd Couple” where two men drove each other crazy.  One was a slob and the other compulsively neat.

But, You Cannot Base Your Relationship Coach Practice Completely on Assessments

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Although there are some relationship coaches out there who would even go so far as to say my husband and I are not the best fit based on the DISC Assessments, I wouldn’t agree.  In fact, using the Values Assessments is a much better indicator of compatibility compared to behavioral style indicators such as the DISC.  I would caution anyone who decided to become a relationship coach who bases their coaching entirely on assessments.  The stats show that if a couple doesn’t share two of their three top values their chances of surviving long term are low.  I was relieved to see that we shared two of our top three values, yet I coached one couple whose values were completely different.  As a relationship coach I thought they were doomed, yet within two sessions they were back on track and lovey-dovey all over again.  Make sure if you become a relationship coach you don’t close your eyes to possibilities.

So is this relationship coach love story like a fairy tale?  I would be lying if I said it was.  I sincerely believe, however, that struggling to work through our natural behavioral styles has allowed us to become better friends, and for me a better coach.  And in fact, my husband and I have more in common than ever.  He’s not going to become a relationship coach any time soon, but he did start blogging!

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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Who Needs a Relationship Coach? Are Women More Likely to Pay Your Relationship Coach Salary?

March 11, 2010 By 1 Comment

If you want to become a relationship coach, you need to market to women.  Sure you can market to men as well, but in most homes women are the emotional leaders.  And it will ultimately be up to them to decide if they want to pay your relationship coach salary.  Even if they say they have to check with their husbands.  Most relationship coaches in the U.S. will agree that husbands just want their wives to be happy.  Unfortunately many of them have given up.  They don’t think anything will make a difference to their relationship long term; even hiring you and paying a moderate relationship coach salary.

Work Through Wives to Help Regain a Sense of Hope For Your Relationship Coach Clients

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So how do you as a relationship coach get men to regain their sense of hope?  The easiest way is to work through the wife.  She is the one with the higher drive for love and connection, and is more likely to be in enough pain to see you as the only way to living happily ever after.  If you have the tools to be able to prove that in your initial session, she will happily pay your relationship coach salary and do what needs to be done.

In Order to Pay Your Relationship Coach Salary it is Essential to Ask Wives to do One Simple Thing

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What kind of hoops does a relationship coach have to get women to jump through to get their men to fall in love with them again?  Controversial as this may sound, it’s not about dressing up or dressing down.  The key is to get your clients to treat their husbands as their hero.  “That’s ridiculous” you might say, “No one is going to pay a relationship coach salary for that type of Pollyanna type of advise.”  But as it is frequently said, what you focus on will increase.  Have your relationship coach clients focus, and reward what is great.

Become a Relationship Coach That Gets Clients to Ask the Hard Questions

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If you can get your relationship coach clients to find out what their husbands really want, and find a way to deliver it to them; the relationship will transform.  Does that sound sales-like?  Sure, but how often have you heard people say something to the effect, “I worked for four hours cooking this meal; the least you could do is wash the dishes.”  Did that person really want the elaborate meal?  Or would it been even more valuable to have time together?  It would be like someone painting your house orange without asking you, then charging you $5000.  These are the tough conversations that make your relationship coach salary worth paying.

But what really makes you valuable as a relationship coach is to help your clients get their needs met at a higher level then they are currently getting met.  What people say they want, is usually based on a much deeper need.  And finding solutions that will help your clients get their needs met will make your relationship coach salary seem small compared to the value they receive.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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How to Become a Relationship Coach Who Helps Women Find the Love of Their Life: Relationship Coach Make-Over Tips

March 9, 2010 By Leave a Comment

How to become a relationship coach who helps married women find the love of their life might seem to be the biggest challenge in the world. If 40% of married women cheat on their husbands, 60% of married men cheat on their wives, and over half of marriages in the U.S. fail, it seems that every marriage could benefit from a relationship coach make-over. If you’re wondering how to become a relationship coach who helps women get the love they need, you’re looking into a great niche. Many a relationship coach don’t have the guts to lay it on the line and be up front about what it takes to have a great relationship. They would rather listen and be a “good friend” than risk loosing rapport. But in order to be effective, you have to learn how to become a relationship coach that knows how to balance compassion and tough love.

How to Become a Relationship Coach Who Has Courage

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First of all, you need to become a relationship coach who is able to quote someone well respected and successful, like Zig Ziglar. He says, “You can have everything you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” It’s hard to argue with that one! This is a strategy that is time tested and proven; just not necessarily in relationship coach circles.

But what’s the secret to how to become a relationship coach who translates Zig’s quote into a relationship coach make-over tip? Simply put, but not popular, you need to give before you can expect to get something back. Someone once said, “If you want a friend, be a friend,” but I haven’t heard, “If you want a loving spouse, be a loving spouse.” Yet, how often do people complain about their spouses to their friends and to their loved ones?

How to Become a Relationship Coach Who Means Business

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The secret to how to become a relationship coach who helps turn around relationships is to help your clients apply good business sense to their marriages. Have them get to know the needs of their customer, or spouse. Have them focus on helping their husband get what he needs instead of demanding what they want. As a relationship coach you know that making demands doesn’t work in sales, and you find that it doesn’t work in marriages, either.

Be a Relationship Coach that Adds Value

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When your relationship coach clients start looking at how to add value to their spouses and their relationships, they will find a much more receptive environment. Sometimes the secret to how to become a relationship coach who helps women get the love they want is to get them to stop complaining and waiting for something to change. Empower your clients to make a difference in their own life and stop making excuses why they can’t have what they want. It’s likely to be right under their nose – they just need a relationship coach to point it out to them.

Colette Seymann
JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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Relationship Coach Magic: Become a Relationship Coach That Gets Results

February 25, 2010 By 3 Comments

Do you really want to become a relationship coach that transforms relationships? I recently found a tool that is nothing less than relationship coach magic. It’s simple, but requires skill on the part of the relationship coach to paint a compelling enough vision to get their clients to buy into it. And it also requires you to become a relationship coach who can hold their clients accountable during the initial implementation process.

When You Become a Relationship Coach, Remember This Magic Pill

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Here is the best kept relationship coach magic pill: Become a relationship coach who gets their clients to find a new boyfriend or girlfriend. That’s it. Dump the old relationship into the trash, never to look at it again.

That’s horrible! Right? Did you study to become a relationship coach only to get people to give up? Of course not. But that’s the point. Most relationships don’t work. In the U.S., over 50% of marriages end in divorce. About 60% of men cheat on their wives and 40% of women cheat on their husbands. What’s a relationship coach to do?

Become a relationship coach who gets their clients to see the cost of living their lives the way they are currently living. Most people won’t make changes until they feel the pain that results from their actions, and only then do they wish they could make changes. But for most people, it’s too late. But not if they have you as their relationship coach. You can take them there virtually, just like the ghost of Christmas Past, Present & Future did for Ebenezer Scrooge.

A Relationship Coach Needs to Know When Enough is Enough

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Once your relationship coach clients experience that type of pain, they will be ready for some drastic steps. This means that you need to become a relationship coach who gets their clients to stop treating their spouse like a spouse, and start treating their partner like they did when they first met. They need to spice it up, make it fun, and stop trying to control everything.

This may not be so easy, but you don’t believe it can happen then neither will your relationship coach clients. You may have to become a relationship coach who experiences it in their own relationships first. But if you do, make sure you get some good accountability coaching so you don’t give up before you start getting results.

Colette Seymann
JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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Relationship Coach Skills: Become a Relationship Coach Who Can Turn Around a Relationship Overnight

January 26, 2010 By 2 Comments

As a Relationship Coach, You Often Hold the Key to a Client’s Decisions

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Are there any relationship coach skills that can allow you to become a relationship coach who can improve a relationship overnight? If you really understand that beliefs determine the quality and quantity of actions, which in turn determine results, the answer is an emphatic ‘Yes.’ Then why don’t more people do this? It comes down to choice. And as a skilled relationship coach, you help your clients see why they are getting the results they are getting. From there, it’s easy to become a relationship coach who can provide some real choices.

Become a Relationship Coach that Helps Clients See Their Own Beliefs More Clearly

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First, you’ll need to become a relationship coach who helps their clients understand what their beliefs are about their partner. If they truly believe that their partner is out to get them and hates them, no relationship coach is going to be able to be effective. But if you become a relationship coach who helps your clients see the other side, you can provide some empowering alternatives.

A Relationship Coach Needs to Be Able to Identify the Next Steps for Change

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Next you’ll need to become a relationship coach who can help their clients identify what actions they can take on a consistent basis to convey what they really want to convey to their partner. Instead of allowing your clients to function in a reactive mode, become a relationship coach who provides enough support to help their clients make a change in their behavior.

Even When You’ve Become a Relationship Coach, Love Can Still Have Its Mysteries

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One of the most powerful strategies you have as a relationship coach is to have your client make a ‘raving fan’ out of their partner. With new beliefs in place about how they see their mate and daily action steps to back up those new beliefs, your relationship coach clients will start seeing changes in 10 days or less. If you can then get your clients to commit to continuing this strategy for 90 days, you’ll become a relationship coach who can solve the mysteries of love.

Colette Seymann
JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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Relationship Coach Video Example: Mom Lost Daughter. Reunited After 1 Coaching Session

January 26, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Private Call THURSDAY:
“How to Become a Master Coach”.

Watch This Relationship Coach Video Several Times to Learn How to Become a Relationship Expert

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Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Part II:  How to Become a Relationship Expert That Makes The Big Change (Relationship Coach Secrets)

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This is where we all started crying, but still, the coaching must go on…

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In our last Master Coach Certification training I did a few ‘demonstrations’ with some of the coaches who were kind enough to put their LIVES on the line in front of everyone including the CAMERA.

…and we captured it all.

In this video, you’ll see the highlights of the life changing conversation I had with a mother who was trying to reclaim her relationship with her daughter after ten years of being apart.

Jeff

P.S. You can learn master coach techniques by osmosis when you watch live examples like this. Watch this video several times and take notes on the questions I ask. (HINT: I use the 45-Minute Life Change Technique in the video.)

P.P.S. All the slots almost full for Thursday’s call. You MUST be on the Private Access Interest List to get the call in information sent to you (see below and click the link).

Private Call THURSDAY:
“How to Become a Master Coach”.

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How to Become a Relationship Expert: Even if You’re Just Starting Out as a Relationship Coach

December 30, 2009 By 3 Comments

If you’re not coming from a superior posture as a relationship coach, it doesn’t matter what you say.  You could use the fanciest technology, but people won’t even hear you.  In their mind you’re not the one to listen to.  The good news is that at the beginning people will give you some attention for free, without you being an authority.  There’s time to figure out how to become a relationship expert in their eyes.

As a New Relationship Coach You Can Become a Resource to Your Prospects

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There are ways how to become a relationship expert, even if you’re just starting out as a relationship coach.  One way is to become a resource to your prospects.  When you give information away and it’s new to them; it’s valuable.  Especially if that information is relatively rare and not easily found.   You want to make sure that the information you give is the best you have.  Sure, you run the risk that people might just take the information and move on.  But most people won’t be able to implement it on their own.  They’ll still need a relationship coach.

Name Dropping Combined with Teaching Moments Can Help You with How to Become a Relationship Expert

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Another way how to become a relationship expert or at least position yourself as a relationship coach who knows his stuff, is by name dropping.  For example, my mentor Jeff Sooey, who learned from his mentor (a certain celebrity guru), taught me that I should work on creating a raving fan out my husband by giving to him what he needed first.  Ultimately this simple strategy causes the partner to reciprocate.  The name or group carries a ton of authority with your prospect.  You don’t want to just say, “I learned how to become a relationship expert from studying with this guru.”  You need to combine the association with a teaching moment.

Relate with Your Prospects Through Stories – You Become Not Only a Relationship Coach but a Person, Too

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You can also learn how to become a relationship expert who demonstrates their knowledge through stories.  The story can be about someone you worked with or even yourself.  Communicating that before you became a relationship coach you used to be like them and that you understand their fears, hopes and desires can be very powerful if you’re living proof of a transformation.  It doesn’t have to take longer than 3-5 minutes.

The key to how to become a relationship expert is for people see you as the leader.  Even if it’s just by having a lot of comments posted on your blog.  Suddenly people start to see you as an expert.  They think, “Wow!  All these people are paying attention to what this person is saying.”  This strategy also works with public speaking and conference calls.   If you can convey valuable information to people in a way that they see you as an expert, they will just naturally see you as the relationship coach who can help them reach their goals.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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