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Could Shakespeare Have Become A Relationship Coach?

September 18, 2010 By Jeffrey T. Sooey Leave a Comment

If you want to become a relationship coach, you can gain a lot of understanding of the human heart and mind by studying Shakespeare’s writings.   I just read an article based on a quote from Othello in “Shakespeare in Modern Life” at Examiner.com.  The quote starts “She loved me for the danger I had passed….”  Now granted, the language is not modern–you might on occasion even require help to get the meaning.  But Shakespeare understands the emotions and motivations in relationships.

What Do You Need To Become A Relationship Coach?

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No matter what field of coaching you go into, cultivating the know, like, and trust triad has to be first on your agenda.  Then to become a relationship coach, you need not only to hone your coaching skills and strategies, but also to develop a deep understanding of what makes relationships work or fail.   You need to become a super sleuth: spot the patterns in the way a couple interacts and listen for what isn’t being said.  Use assessments to help explain and defuse differences in the ways your clients communicate, and in their comfort zones regarding planning, socializing and decision making.  When you become a relationship coach, you are in a position to show that each partner is acting according to his or her nature and not just being perverse.  That knowledge, in itself, can go a long way toward repairing a  relationship.

What Does Othello Have To Do With Relationship Coaching?

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“She loved me for the dangers I had passed,
And I loved her that she did pity them.”

The dangers refer to the war time experiences of the character, Othello, which his wife, Desdemona, has not personally experienced.  This brief quote encapsulates much of the material you use with your clients when you become a relationship coach.  It references the feminine vs. the masculine characteristics of the couple–he conquers danger and she feels sympathy and understanding for him having to do so.  At the same time it talks about his dark forceful energy and her light emotional energy–an important balance in a relationship.  And it explains that they love each other because of, and not in spite of, these differences.

Shakespeare didn’t become a relationship coach, but he has a lot to offer if you want to broaden your understanding of how and why people love and hate.  Pay extra attention next time you have the opportunity to enjoy one of Shakespeare’s works in print or on stage.  You might find something you can use with your clients!

By the way… you’re invited to claim your FREE step-by-step “Master Coach Blueprint” video toolkit. Just go HERE now to get your master coach blueprint videos.

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Dorine G Kramer
JTS Advisors Strategy and Accountability Coach

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How To Seem Clairvoyant When You Become A Relationship Coach

July 21, 2010 By Jeffrey T. Sooey 2 Comments

how to seem clairvoyant become a relationship coachWhen you become a relationship coach, you willingly and knowingly step into the middle of situations that most people avoid like the plague. Imagine how much trust you will have right from the start, if you can describe your client’s problems and conflicts before you even hear them from your client. Whether you are working with a husband and wife, with a parent and child, or with a family group, when you gain their confidence immediately, you will be more effective at improving communication between them and helping them build new bridges. Assessments allow you to do this. The DISC assessment is one of two that are particularly helpful in making you seem clairvoyant.

Assessments are the tool of choice when you become a relationship coach

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Assessments are a shortcut when you begin coaching your clients on their relationship. With your client’s DISC assessments in hand, you immediately have an insight into each person’s natural behavioral inclinations and communication styles. That let’s you predict some of the problems your clients are most likely to have. Perhaps both partners are high D (the dominance factor). That probably made for great passion and sparks when they first got together, but maybe now they butt heads all the time. Perhaps the woman is a high C (the compliance characteristic) who is cautious with money and needs to evaluate all the options before making a choice, while the man is a high I (the influencing characteristic) who makes quick decisions without thinking them through. When you become a relationship coach, using the DISC profiles as a tool means you know a lot of what you are going to hear from your clients before you hear it!

Your job as a relationship coach

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Your job may not be what you think when you become a relationship coach. Your job is not to tell people what to do. It is to shine a light on the similarities and differences in what they want from the relationship and in what they are getting. You clarify how each of them would like to relate to each other, and how they actually do. The DISC gives you an objective explanation about how they talk to each other, how they work together (or not), and how they differ in their approach to situations that come up. You tell them what you see, ask them how they want to proceed, and support them in moving forward however they choose.

Obviously, the DISC assessment is not the only thing you look at when you become a relationship coach. The PIAV assessment also will boost your apparent psychic powers. Then you’ll need to talk extensively with your clients to understand other factors which affect their relationship. Still, seeming like a mind reader is probably a good way to start.

Give this strategy a try and see for yourself that it works. If you liked this coaching tip, leave a comment or use the handy bookmark buttons below to share it with others on Facebook, Twitter, Digg, etc. Thanks!

Dorine G. Kramer
JTS Advisors Certified Strategy and Accountability Coach

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A Relationship Coach Love Story: I Never Thought I Would Become a Relationship Coach When I Embarked on this Journey

April 3, 2010 By Jeffrey T. Sooey 2 Comments

Just because you become a relationship coach doesn’t mean you have to have your relationships all polished and clean.  In fact, tomorrow is my 10 year wedding anniversary.  And if you are a relationship coach who uses the DISC Assessments, you’ll understand that as a High Dominance/ Influencing woman I was not necessarily the ideal partner for my High Steadiness/ Compliance husband.  But at least as a relationship coach I can appreciate the differences and navigate most of the challenges.

DISC and Values Assessments Can Be Integral Tools if You Become a Relationship Coach

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If you become a relationship coach, DISC and Values Assessments can help you make lasting changes even in the first relationship coach session.  I once ran a family debrief where two families had merged when the parents married.  The two stepbrothers had very different natural behavioral styles.  As we looked at the graph I asked, “You guys don’t share a room by any chance.”  They did, and I was able to see the challenges they were facing with one boy having a High Compliance and the other a Low Compliance style.  The first had to have the room neat to be able to rest, and the other could care less.  It was a bit like the sitcom, “The Odd Couple” where two men drove each other crazy.  One was a slob and the other compulsively neat.

But, You Cannot Base Your Relationship Coach Practice Completely on Assessments

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Although there are some relationship coaches out there who would even go so far as to say my husband and I are not the best fit based on the DISC Assessments, I wouldn’t agree.  In fact, using the Values Assessments is a much better indicator of compatibility compared to behavioral style indicators such as the DISC.  I would caution anyone who decided to become a relationship coach who bases their coaching entirely on assessments.  The stats show that if a couple doesn’t share two of their three top values their chances of surviving long term are low.  I was relieved to see that we shared two of our top three values, yet I coached one couple whose values were completely different.  As a relationship coach I thought they were doomed, yet within two sessions they were back on track and lovey-dovey all over again.  Make sure if you become a relationship coach you don’t close your eyes to possibilities.

So is this relationship coach love story like a fairy tale?  I would be lying if I said it was.  I sincerely believe, however, that struggling to work through our natural behavioral styles has allowed us to become better friends, and for me a better coach.  And in fact, my husband and I have more in common than ever.  He’s not going to become a relationship coach any time soon, but he did start blogging!

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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Relationship Coach Magic: Become a Relationship Coach That Gets Results

February 25, 2010 By Jeffrey T. Sooey 3 Comments

Do you really want to become a relationship coach that transforms relationships? I recently found a tool that is nothing less than relationship coach magic. It’s simple, but requires skill on the part of the relationship coach to paint a compelling enough vision to get their clients to buy into it. And it also requires you to become a relationship coach who can hold their clients accountable during the initial implementation process.

When You Become a Relationship Coach, Remember This Magic Pill

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Here is the best kept relationship coach magic pill: Become a relationship coach who gets their clients to find a new boyfriend or girlfriend. That’s it. Dump the old relationship into the trash, never to look at it again.

That’s horrible! Right? Did you study to become a relationship coach only to get people to give up? Of course not. But that’s the point. Most relationships don’t work. In the U.S., over 50% of marriages end in divorce. About 60% of men cheat on their wives and 40% of women cheat on their husbands. What’s a relationship coach to do?

Become a relationship coach who gets their clients to see the cost of living their lives the way they are currently living. Most people won’t make changes until they feel the pain that results from their actions, and only then do they wish they could make changes. But for most people, it’s too late. But not if they have you as their relationship coach. You can take them there virtually, just like the ghost of Christmas Past, Present & Future did for Ebenezer Scrooge.

A Relationship Coach Needs to Know When Enough is Enough

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Once your relationship coach clients experience that type of pain, they will be ready for some drastic steps. This means that you need to become a relationship coach who gets their clients to stop treating their spouse like a spouse, and start treating their partner like they did when they first met. They need to spice it up, make it fun, and stop trying to control everything.

This may not be so easy, but you don’t believe it can happen then neither will your relationship coach clients. You may have to become a relationship coach who experiences it in their own relationships first. But if you do, make sure you get some good accountability coaching so you don’t give up before you start getting results.

Colette Seymann
JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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Relationship Coach Skills: Become a Relationship Coach Who Can Turn Around a Relationship Overnight

January 26, 2010 By Jeffrey T. Sooey 2 Comments

As a Relationship Coach, You Often Hold the Key to a Client’s Decisions

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Are there any relationship coach skills that can allow you to become a relationship coach who can improve a relationship overnight? If you really understand that beliefs determine the quality and quantity of actions, which in turn determine results, the answer is an emphatic ‘Yes.’ Then why don’t more people do this? It comes down to choice. And as a skilled relationship coach, you help your clients see why they are getting the results they are getting. From there, it’s easy to become a relationship coach who can provide some real choices.

Become a Relationship Coach that Helps Clients See Their Own Beliefs More Clearly

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First, you’ll need to become a relationship coach who helps their clients understand what their beliefs are about their partner. If they truly believe that their partner is out to get them and hates them, no relationship coach is going to be able to be effective. But if you become a relationship coach who helps your clients see the other side, you can provide some empowering alternatives.

A Relationship Coach Needs to Be Able to Identify the Next Steps for Change

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Next you’ll need to become a relationship coach who can help their clients identify what actions they can take on a consistent basis to convey what they really want to convey to their partner. Instead of allowing your clients to function in a reactive mode, become a relationship coach who provides enough support to help their clients make a change in their behavior.

Even When You’ve Become a Relationship Coach, Love Can Still Have Its Mysteries

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One of the most powerful strategies you have as a relationship coach is to have your client make a ‘raving fan’ out of their partner. With new beliefs in place about how they see their mate and daily action steps to back up those new beliefs, your relationship coach clients will start seeing changes in 10 days or less. If you can then get your clients to commit to continuing this strategy for 90 days, you’ll become a relationship coach who can solve the mysteries of love.

Colette Seymann
JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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Relationship Coach Tools: Become a Relationship Coach Who Gets Results

September 21, 2009 By Jeffrey T. Sooey 3 Comments

What’s the quickest way to to become a relationship coach who gets results?  Start by finding out what your clients wants from each other.  Are they bored with each other or having trouble relating?  Once you become a relationship who knows the starting point and end point, you can choose from following relationship coach tools to begin the coaching process.

Become a Relationship Coach that Knows What the Client is Looking For

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Relationship Coach Tools for Clients Who Are Bored With Each Other:

Have they lost that loving feeling?  Have they become best friends?  Has the woman become the football buddy or has the man become so sensitive they go for manicures together?  Use relationship coach tools that create more polarity and excitement.  Have the woman get into her feminine nature by taking a 2 hour bubble bath, getting a manicure or pedicure, lighting candles, dancing around and just having fun.  Have the man go into the cave for some alone time, hang out with his buddies, and do things that are challenging to get in touch with his masculine side.  Become a relationship coach who helps create rituals to induce more polarity in the relationship, which will remind your clients why they were attracted to each other in the first place.

Use Different Relationship Coach Techniques for Different Situations

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Relationship Coach Tools for Clients Who Can’t Get Along With Each Other:

One quick way out of this situation is to become a relationship coach who motivates clients to make a list of MUSTs and MUST NOTs.  That way each person can see how they measure up.  Instill a reward system for good behavior.  Every time they do something really good for the relationship, they put a quarter in a jar.  It may sound silly, but the results are amazing.

Another great relationship tool is to re-wire negative behaviors and reframe key issues and disagreements.  Become a relationship coach who can interrupt patterns and get clients to think about situations in a different way.  A wife might say, “He doesn’t love me, he won’t take care of me.”  An alternative might be, “He does love you and you just need to soften up a bit more so he can.”

If One Relationship Technique Doesn’t Work, Try a Different Relationship Coach Tool

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Relationship Coach Tools for Clients Who Are Ready to Take Their Relationship to the Next Level:

For those clients who are ready for the relationship of their dreams, become a relationship coach who teaches them how to create a raving fan out of their partner.  In this 90 day exercise, have each person try to meet their partners needs as close to 100% as possible.  Each person gets to rank where their needs are being currently met in the relationship in terms of certainty, significance, love/connection and variety.  Then each person tells the other specific actions their partner can take to help them get their needs met at a higher level.  By the end of the 90 day period, each partner should be “raving” about how great their partner is.  Now that is a goal worth taking on.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Designated Accountability Coach

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Relationship Coach Tips: Becoming a Relationship Coach Who Has the Keys to Resolving Conflicts

July 17, 2009 By Jeffrey T. Sooey 2 Comments

Just like the cost of business coaching more than pays for itself, finding a good relationship coach can be worth his weight in gold when love is on the line.  Most conflicts can be solved with awareness and appreciation.  Here are 3 keys to becoming a relationship coach who is able to help resolve just about any conflict.

Tips for Becoming a Relationship Coach #1: Make Sure Your Client is Ready for Love

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The first step to becoming relationship coach is to make sure your clients are looking for a relationship to magnify what they already experience.  If they’re looking to get love from a relationship before they love themselves, it’s like two starving people trying to get each other’s food.   As a relationship coach, when you see this pattern bring it to your clients’ attention.  Help them find ways to nurture and love themselves.  This can be as basic for some as self care, diet and exercise.

Tips for Becoming a Relationship Coach #2: Know How to Counteract Stress

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The second key to becoming a relationship coach is to bring the awareness to your clients that when things go wrong, most people start reacting.  Stress is actually a code word for ‘fear’.  When people start feeling that things are going wrong, they aren’t good enough to make it work, and there’s no chance to improve; it’s up to you as the relationship coach to help them shift to a more powerful state of beliefs, language, and physiology.

Another key aspect to becoming a relationship coach is to help clients learn to identify when that fear is from the past or present.  If an event triggers emotions that are disproportionate to the event, it’s likely to stem from previous memories.  And the subconscious part of the brain doesn’t recognize ‘time.’  An event recalled from the past can produce the same vivid emotional response that it did even decades before.  As a relationship coach you can spend a few minutes and help that person re-wire the old pattern.

Tips for Becoming a Relationship Coach #3: Help Your Client “See” Their Partner

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The third key to becoming a relationship coach is to help your clients look at their partners through the eyes of appreciating what is already great.  Become a relationship coach who knows that a shift in one of the partners can dramatically alter the course of a relationship…for better or worse.  General compliments won’t work, and clients should be prepared to back up what they say with an explanation of why they appreciate certain qualities or behaviors in their mate.  A little here goes a long way.

A Relationship Coach Can Make All the Difference

Becoming a relationship coach with these principles will put you on the path toward making a real impact on your clients’ lives.  Become a relationship coach who can quickly and expertly cut through the stories of blame and get to the client’s underlying that is keeping them from getting the love they are looking for.

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The Secret to Becoming a Relationship Coach Who Has a Recession Proof Coaching Career

June 19, 2009 By Jeffrey T. Sooey Leave a Comment

Become a relationship coach who has a recession proof coaching career; it may be simple, but it’s not easy.  It involves having tough conversations with people, calling them out, and making sure that each session is valuable.  The secret to a successful coaching career is caring about providing results for your clients more than anything else, and that means you must become a relationship coach who is willing to be uncomfortable.

 

Take Your Coaching Career Seriously


Become a relationship coach who takes their coaching career seriously and teaches their clients the powerful effect they can have on the outcome of their relationship.   Provide accountability to help your client to stop blaming the other person and focus on their own actions.  What results do they want?  Don’t let them tell you that they want their husband to start taking out the garbage or that they want to get their wife to stop complaining. 

Become a Relationship Coach Who Knows Love is Unconditional

 

Become a relationship coach who understands that mature love is unconditional, and know that communicating this with your clients is essential part of your coaching career.  That means loving someone when they are rich and when they’re broke, when they’re sick and when they’re healthy, when they’re nice and when they’re grouchy.  Challenge your clients to take a hard look at their own motives.  Challenge them to find out what needs their partner has, and provide accountability to help your clients start taking steps toward contributing to some of those needs.

Become a Relationship Coach That Provides Accountability

 

And finally, become a relationship coach who provides accountability to help their clients manage conflict.  Most arguments escalate gradually; some may even take a few days to build up.  Tit for tat, one person does something and the other reacts.  Sometimes this happens so gradually that the full blown argument seems to come out of nowhere.  Don’t play small in your coaching career, let people know that each step of the way they have control whether they react or respond.  Teach your clients that they can choose to respond and stop the escalation in its tracks, or react and let the argument build.

Become a Relationship Coach That Calls it Like it Is

 

When we become a relationship coach we want our clients to like us and therein lays the problem.  We want them to continue getting coaching with us, and that can make us hold back in what we say.  We don’t want to offend them.  If we do this, we become like everyone else and our coaching career is a farce.   The only way to make a difference in the world is to lay it out on the line, and make each session count.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Accountability Coach

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Coaches Training You Need to Survive if You are to Become a Relationship Coach in This Economy

March 11, 2009 By Jeffrey T. Sooey 1 Comment

 

Is it a Bull Market for You if You Become a Relationship Coach?

 

This may be one of the greatest opportunities to become a relationship coach, if you have the right coaches training. It may be a bear market for stocks, but it doesn’t have to be a bear market for relationships, or a bear market for coaches (especially if you who have decided to become a relationship coach). Here are the basics of coaches training you need to survive in this niche.

The Need for Relationship Coaching in This Economy

 

To become a relationship coach, you need to understand the value of an intact relationship. In most states if a marriage (common law or otherwise) ends up in divorce all the assets are divided equally. That might mean selling a house in this market. Ouch. If you become a relationship coach who can offer solutions, how much would that mean from a strictly financial point of view to your client? It doesn’t take a lot of coaches training to figure out the math.

Coaches Training for Becoming a Relationship Coach

 

You will also need to recognize the effect that masculine and feminine energies play to become a relationship coach. What happens in a household where the primary breadwinner is a man, and he gets laid off? Most likely that will be a blow to his masculinity, especially if his work makes him feel good about himself as a provider for his family. What if his wife tends to act more masculine when she is stressed? What if she gets a job which puts her in a dominant role where she often needs to use more masculine traits? The masculine and feminine dynamics can change suddenly and cause trouble in the relationship. If both sides are aware of these dynamics, shifts can happen within a single coaching session. And most people don’t understand this unless they have had specific coaches training.

Helping people find their identity within the context of their relationship, despite circumstances is another value you can provide your clients if you get some really good coaches training and become a relationship coach. I went skiing with my husband and in the shuffle to get onto the lift, a man accidentally sat between the two of us. He playfully and politely said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to come between you.” I smiled because I knew that there was really nothing that could come between my husband and I unless we allowed it. That type of certainty in a relationship is something you can help people achieve if you become a relationship coach. And that’s real value in any market.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Accountability Coach

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How to Become a Relationship Coach During a Recession By Finding Coaching Jobs With Couples Who Have Been affected by a Layoff

February 26, 2009 By Jeffrey T. Sooey 3 Comments

How do You Become a Relationship Coach in This Economy? 

 

Money is tight, and November job losses hit a 30 year low. Since money (or lack of) is the number one stressor in marriage, someone who has become a relationship coach can really be of value to a couple who experienced a job loss. During severe economic stress, couples may struggle not only with how to keep their finances afloat, but also with how to work as a team and combat negativity from affecting their marriage. Where there is hardship, there is also opportunity. And if you are a highly skilled coach you can get results, you will have plenty of coaching jobs.

Where Will You Find Coaching Jobs? 


Top tips to become a relationship coach who can turn things around, one couple at a time, and get all the coaching jobs you can handle:

  • Tame the Tension:  Right now, most layoffs are happening because of the economy and not because of poor performance by an individual employee. Have your clients make a pact to keep their relationship a safe and blame-free zone during this tough time. Using assessments can help couples understand how the layoff effects the other person thought their personality filters. Without assessments, it may be one of the toughest coaching jobs you take on.

  • Consider Medical Insurance Options:  A layoff usually means loss of employer sponsored medical insurance. While your clients may be eligible for insurance through a COBRA plan, it is usually very expensive. Have your clients research costs involved with switching insurance to other’s health plan. Become a relationship coach who can provide accountability, because your clients will need to take action quickly.

  • Encourage Teamwork:  Encourage the couple to work on the problem together. Perhaps they could spend time together working on a resume. Discussing strengths and accomplishments will not only produce a strong resume, but it will also help the jobless partner feel that the other sees his or her strengths. Have the couple leverage both of their networks to find out what jobs are out there. The coaching jobs you take on may include helping both sides get some certainty in a trying time.

  • Consider all options:  Encourage the couple to look at all their options…including temporary employment, getting additional training, or looking at new career options. Become a relationship coach who knows how to use assessments to help in determining if a career is in line with your clients’ values and strengths, or if changing careers might be the best long term strategy. Freelance work might be an opportunity to bring in some extra money and may even open doors to permanent opportunities.  

  • Cut costs:  Become a relationship coach who can help clients reduce expenses where possible, and work to live on one salary. Once both people are back to work, they will be in a great position to save money and improve their financial future.

Finding coaching jobs in a tough economy is not only possible, but may be much more rewarding because of the potential to make a larger impact.

Colette Seymann

Accountability Coach, JTS Advisors

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