Why would a parent want someone to become a parent coach for them when they have a great relationship with their daughter? Wouldn’t life just work itself out? If only it were that easy. One of the greatest problems adolescent girls face is aggression from their peers. And while aggression in boys is usually physical, girls tend to play a more psychological game. If you want to become a life coach who takes on this challenge to help parents and their daughters, you’ll need some debriefing on the three roles girls play.

Become a Parent Coach That Can Identify the Three Roles Girls Play – First: The Queen Bee

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The first role you need to understand to become a parent coach is the girl in power. This girl leads the clique. Rosalind Wiseman refers to this girl as the “Queen Bee” in her book, Queen Bees & Wannabes. Although this girl is the leader, it doesn’t mean she is strong and secure. Although her parents may think that she is because of her social position. Unfortunately this girl rules by fear and manipulation to compensate for her low self-esteem. You may have to become a life coach for these parents before they accept that their daughter needs help.

The Second Role You Need to Understand as You Become a Life Coach is the Girl Who Wants to be in the “In” Crowd

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The second role you will need to understand to become a parent coach is the girl who wants to be with the “in” group. These girls need the group to feel secure will do whatever it takes to fit in. Even if it’s at the expense of being part of bullying a good friend. The peer pressure is amazingly powerful in adolescent girls. And again, you may have to become a life coach to the parents first to help them understand the cost that this social position demands from their daughters.

Lastly, You Must Understand the Victim Role if You Want to Become a Parent Coach

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The third role that you’ll need to understand to become a parent coach is the girl who is the victim. This is the girl who is teased, bullied and otherwise outcast from a clique. You may need to become a life coach for the parents if they were in this role as a child. You certainly don’t want the parents to pass along their own psychology, language patterns, and wounded beliefs to their daughters. This is most commonly the daughter whose parent will seek out your help.

The time to become a parent coach is early elementary school when these girls try on all these different ‘hats’. Even within the same day. As peer groups start becoming more of an influence in their lives, this hierarchy of status becomes even more apparent. As someone who decides to become a parent coach it’s important to understand that what our society often sees as normal, is really aggression. This is an area where someone who becomes a life coach who is willing to take on this challenge and start transforming lives can have an amazing impact on future generations. You’ll also need to remember that becoming a parent coach in many ways is about becoming a life coach that can transform the parents so they are able to help their children.

Colette Seymann

JTS Advisors Bi-Designated Strategy and Accountability Coach

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Become a Life Coach Who Specializes in Parenting

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There are many niches to consider once you decide to become a life coach. And in fact, the more you specialize, the more valuable you become as a coach. And one needed niche is coaches who are willing to become a parent coach. And even those coaches who decide to become a parent coach may decide they want to specialize even more. Parents of teenage girls will have different needs than parents of toddlers, lower school children, and even teenage boys. Here are some tools to use if you want to become a life coach who can take them all on.

When You Become a Life Coach, You Learn the Value of Positive Reinforcement

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While Karen Pryor has not yet written a book on how to become a life coach, she has written a book describing the merits of positive reinforcement versus negative reinforcement. In her book, Don’t Shoot the Dog! she describes in detail the rationale behind her belief that punishment, negative reinforcement, and extinction (ignoring a behavior will eventually cause it go away) is ineffective. And of course you won’t become a parent coach with much of a reputation if you advocate, ‘shooting the dog’ or somehow getting rid of the child. But here are a couple of tips you can use:

Some Tips for Those Who Want to Become a Parent Coach

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Become a Parent Coach Who Encourages Their Clients to Use Distraction: This was one of my dad’s favorites when my sister and I were not getting along well in the back seat of the car. One day we were driving through a very rural area and he suddenly yelled, “Hey guys! Look at the tomatoes!” There was such enthusiasm in his voice that we looked, and then started laughing. The tomato plants were so small that we were basically looking at a field of sticks that would eventually support the plants. The behavior of quarreling was incompatible with the new stimulus. He could have become a life coach with that one phrase, because any time we began quarreling he would use the same phrase and get the same result. With or without tomato plants.

Become a Parent Coach Who Teaches Their Clients to Change the Motivation: This one takes some understanding and planning, but is very effective. When I am driving in the car with my children, I can gauge how tired, hungry, or bored they are by their behavior. Become a life coach who helps point out that children may be hungry and tired on the way home from an after school activity, and encourage parents prepare a healthy snack for them. For longer car trips kids might need to stop at a ‘rest stop’ and run around for a few minutes to manage the pent up energy.

You Can Use Your Life Coach Skills on Your Way to Become a Parent Coach

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You can see that the skills you learned to become a life coach are valuable if you decide to become a parent coach. Once you understand how people’s behaviors are driven by their needs, you can encourage empowering alternatives and find ways your clients (and their children) can get their needs met at a higher level.

Colette Seymann
JTS Advisors Designated Accountability Coach

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